<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0" xmlns:itunes="http://www.itunes.com/dtds/podcast-1.0.dtd" xmlns:googleplay="http://www.google.com/schemas/play-podcasts/1.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[Permission to be Powerful: Insanely Good Therapy]]></title><description><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson LCSW Shares Profound Wisdom That Will Change Your Love Life Forever]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/s/insanely-good-therapy</link><image><url>https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!rSyV!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F12dea41b-1270-49ff-87f5-1ea225f1d25c_764x764.png</url><title>Permission to be Powerful: Insanely Good Therapy</title><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/s/insanely-good-therapy</link></image><generator>Substack</generator><lastBuildDate>Mon, 13 Apr 2026 08:50:18 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://www.antonvolney.com/feed" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><copyright><![CDATA[Team Healthy LLC]]></copyright><language><![CDATA[en]]></language><webMaster><![CDATA[antonvolney@gmail.com]]></webMaster><itunes:owner><itunes:email><![CDATA[antonvolney@gmail.com]]></itunes:email><itunes:name><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></itunes:name></itunes:owner><itunes:author><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></itunes:author><googleplay:owner><![CDATA[antonvolney@gmail.com]]></googleplay:owner><googleplay:email><![CDATA[antonvolney@gmail.com]]></googleplay:email><googleplay:author><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></googleplay:author><itunes:block><![CDATA[Yes]]></itunes:block><item><title><![CDATA[The Feelings Chart: A Gentle First Step Toward Inner Healing]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/the-feelings-chart-a-gentle-first</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/the-feelings-chart-a-gentle-first</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 08 Jun 2025 19:00:27 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><p>Starting therapy &#8212; or even thinking about it &#8212; is a powerful act of self-respect. Whether prompted by pain, curiosity, or someone&#8217;s encouragement, it means this: <strong>you&#8217;re ready for change.</strong></p><p>One of the simplest but most transformative tools I recommend at the beginning of this journey is the <strong>Feelings Chart</strong>.</p><p>This humble sheet of emotion words can begin to untangle years &#8212; sometimes decades &#8212; of emotional confusion. It&#8217;s your first step in building something most of us never learned to do growing up:</p><p><strong>A relationship with yourself.</strong></p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>What Therapy Is Really About</strong></h2><p>At the heart of therapy is this core insight:</p><p>You are <strong>not one person</strong> inside.</p><p>You&#8217;re two:</p><ul><li><p>An <strong>adult self</strong> who thinks, reasons, and manages daily life</p></li><li><p>And an <strong>inner child</strong>, shaped by your earliest experiences, still carrying the emotional blueprint of what it means to be loved, seen, safe&#8230; or not.</p></li></ul><p>Until adolescence, your inner child was in charge. They absorbed the emotional atmosphere of your home &#8212; messages about your worth, your voice, and your right to take up space.</p><p>If you grew up with unmet emotional needs &#8212; even in subtle, well-meaning households &#8212; that child still lives inside, searching for what they never got.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>The Big Problem: We Were Never Taught</strong></h2><h2><strong>Emotions</strong></h2><p>Most people walk into therapy not knowing what they feel.</p><p>They know they&#8217;re &#8220;off.&#8221; Upset. Frustrated. Numb.</p><p>But no one ever taught us to speak <strong>the language of feelings</strong>.</p><p>Instead, we learned how to:</p><ul><li><p>Please others</p></li><li><p>Avoid conflict</p></li><li><p>Distract or numb out</p></li><li><p>Perform for validation</p></li></ul><p>Which means we show up to life &#8212; and relationships &#8212; without knowing who we are emotionally. We try to heal with logic&#8230; but healing is a <strong>felt</strong> process.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>From Victim to Empowered: A Shift in Perspective</strong></h2><p>Healing starts the moment we stop asking, <em>&#8220;Why is this happening to me?&#8221;</em></p><p>And begin asking, <em>&#8220;What is this showing me about myself?&#8221;</em></p><p>That&#8217;s the shift from <strong>victimhood to empowerment</strong>.</p><p>It doesn&#8217;t mean blaming yourself. It means reclaiming the power to feel, understand, and care for the part of you that&#8217;s been waiting to be seen.</p><p>This is where the <strong>Feelings Chart</strong> comes in.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>How to Use the Feelings Chart (Step-by-Step)</strong></h2><ol><li><p><strong>Think of a Triggering Moment</strong></p><p>Choose a recent moment that got under your skin &#8212; an argument, a rejection, a moment of shame or overwhelm.</p></li><li><p><strong>Notice What You Feel in Your Body</strong></p><p>Emotions show up physically. A lump in your throat. Tightness in your chest. Knots in your stomach.</p></li><li><p><strong>Pull Up the Feelings Chart</strong></p><p>Glance through the words. Don&#8217;t overthink. Just circle or write down the ones that resonate. Trust your gut.</p></li><li><p><strong>Name 3&#8211;5 Emotions</strong></p><p>Go beyond &#8220;mad&#8221; or &#8220;sad.&#8221; Try words like: <em>ignored, unseen, overwhelmed, disrespected, embarrassed.</em></p></li><li><p><strong>Reflect</strong></p><p>Ask yourself: <em>When else have I felt this way?</em></p><p>That&#8217;s how the inner child speaks &#8212; through repetition.</p></li></ol><div><hr></div><h2><strong>Why This Matters</strong></h2><ul><li><p><strong>It slows you down</strong></p><p>Instead of reacting or spiraling, you <em>notice.</em></p></li><li><p><strong>It builds your emotional vocabulary</strong></p><p>Naming your emotions gives you a sense of clarity and control.</p></li><li><p><strong>It re-parents your inner child</strong></p><p>When you pause to listen, you&#8217;re saying:</p><p><em>You matter. I hear you. I&#8217;m here now.</em></p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h2><strong>Common Signs of Emotional Neglect You Might Recognize</strong></h2><ul><li><p>Feeling chronically empty or &#8220;not enough&#8221;</p></li><li><p>Choosing unavailable or avoidant partners</p></li><li><p>Getting overwhelmed in conflict or pulling away</p></li><li><p>Constantly seeking reassurance, but never feeling satisfied</p></li><li><p>Struggling to name or express how you feel</p></li></ul><p>If any of these hit home, that&#8217;s not a flaw. It&#8217;s a signal.</p><p>A whisper from the inner child &#8212; asking for your attention.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>This Isn&#8217;t About Perfection. It&#8217;s About Progress.</strong></h2><p>You don&#8217;t have to do this &#8220;right.&#8221;</p><p>You just have to <strong>show up</strong> for yourself, a little more each day.</p><p>Even 30 seconds of checking in &#8212; <em>What am I feeling right now?</em> &#8212; creates a ripple effect. Over time, that ripple becomes a wave. And that wave becomes transformation.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>Want Help With This Process?</strong></h2><p>If you want to go deeper, I&#8217;ve built out an entire toolkit inside <strong>VIP</strong> at <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>, including:</p><ul><li><p>&#129504; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; Rewire your emotional reactions, step-by-step</p></li><li><p>&#129496;&#8205;&#9792;&#65039; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Build a simple emotional hygiene ritual that actually works</p></li><li><p>&#128218; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible</strong> &#8211; 70+ plug-and-play prompts to explore your inner world</p></li><li><p>&#10084;&#65039; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Emotional regulation and self-awareness for sensitive, fast minds</p></li></ul><p>&#128073; <a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Start your 30-day free trial here</a></p><p>You can&#8217;t heal what you don&#8217;t feel.</p><p>But once you start feeling it &#8212; you start freeing it.</p><p>And you realize:</p><p><strong>You were never broken. You just needed someone to listen.</strong></p><p>Now, you get to be that someone &#8212; for yourself.</p><p>With care,</p><h2>&#8212; Zalman, LCSW</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, 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]]></title><description><![CDATA[&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/breaking-the-cycle-unveiling-the</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/breaking-the-cycle-unveiling-the</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 07 Jun 2025 19:00:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h1><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h1><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,<strong>Why You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable People</strong></p><p><strong>And How to Break the Pattern for Good</strong></p><p>I recently worked with someone caught in a frustrating cycle:</p><p>No matter how different each person seemed at first&#8230;</p><p>They all turned out to be emotionally unavailable.</p><p>Sound familiar?</p><p>The harder they tried to connect &#8212; the more the other person pulled away.</p><p>Communication was hot and cold.</p><p>One day things felt perfect&#8230; the next, distant, confusing, uncertain.</p><p>They started wondering:</p><p><strong>&#8220;Why do I keep attracting these kinds of people?&#8221;</strong></p><p>So let&#8217;s talk about it.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#128269; The Root of Emotional Unavailability</strong></h2><p>Emotionally unavailable people often show up as:</p><ul><li><p>Inconsistent in communication</p></li><li><p>Unreliable when it matters most</p></li><li><p>Unable (or unwilling) to go deeper emotionally</p></li></ul><p>And here&#8217;s the kicker:</p><p><strong>You feel it.</strong></p><p>Something&#8217;s off. But you doubt yourself. You try harder. You wait longer. You give more.</p><p>But the truth is, this pattern <em>didn&#8217;t start with them</em>.</p><p>It started with what <em>felt familiar</em>.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#129504; Why Familiar Feels Like &#8220;Love&#8221;</strong></h2><p>Here&#8217;s the big insight I often share in therapy:</p><p><strong>Your attraction system is perfectly designed to bring you what&#8217;s familiar &#8212; not necessarily what&#8217;s healthy.</strong></p><p>If you grew up with emotional unpredictability &#8212;</p><p>absent, distracted, or self-absorbed caregivers &#8212;</p><p>you internalized that <em>love = emotional distance + chasing.</em></p><p>So in adulthood, even though part of you craves safety and intimacy,</p><p>another part feels &#8220;normal&#8221; when there&#8217;s emotional friction.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#128148; Real Case Study: From Childhood to Choice</strong></h2><p>One client grew up with alcoholic parents.</p><p>They became hyper-attuned to others&#8217; moods.</p><p>They learned to overfunction &#8212; to give, manage, rescue, and perform.</p><p>They believed: &#8220;If I&#8217;m good enough, I&#8217;ll finally be loved.&#8221;</p><p>As an adult, this turned into dating people who were:</p><ul><li><p>Emotionally inconsistent</p></li><li><p>Unable to reciprocate love</p></li><li><p>Only available in small, addictive doses</p></li></ul><p>Their extreme selflessness became a form of survival &#8212; but also self-erasure.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#127920; The Gambling Effect</strong></h2><p>Being with an emotionally unavailable partner is like a slot machine.</p><p>Most days? Nothing.</p><p>Then suddenly &#8212; a kind word. A smile. A spark.</p><p>Just enough to keep you pulling the lever, hoping for more.</p><p>Psychologists call this <em>intermittent reinforcement</em>.</p><p>And it&#8217;s the most powerful &#8212; and dangerous &#8212; form of behavioral conditioning.</p><p>You don&#8217;t get addicted to bad relationships.</p><p>You get addicted to <strong>hope</strong>.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#128736;&#65039; The Breakthrough: Shifting the Focus</strong></h2><p>You can&#8217;t fix or change the emotionally unavailable person.</p><p>But you <em>can</em>:</p><ul><li><p>Understand the pattern</p></li><li><p>Trace it back to its origin</p></li><li><p>Rebuild your relationship with yourself</p></li></ul><p>Instead of chasing connection outside&#8230;</p><p>You start offering it inside.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#129496;&#8205;&#9792;&#65039; The Path Forward</strong></h2><ol><li><p><strong>Name the Feelings</strong></p><p>Use a feelings chart. Put words to what&#8217;s happening inside.</p><p>Not &#8220;he&#8217;s being distant&#8221; &#8212; but &#8220;I feel neglected, anxious, unworthy.&#8221;</p></li><li><p><strong>Connect to the Past</strong></p><p>When else have you felt this way?</p><p>Often, the feeling is old &#8212; the relationship just brings it up again.</p></li><li><p><strong>Validate Yourself</strong></p><p>Your needs aren&#8217;t too much. Your emotions are real.</p><p>You deserve consistency, not breadcrumbs.</p></li><li><p><strong>Choose Differently</strong></p><p>As you become emotionally available to <em>yourself</em>,</p><p>you&#8217;ll stop being magnetized to those who aren&#8217;t.</p></li></ol><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h2><p>If this pattern feels painfully familiar &#8212; you&#8217;re not broken.</p><p>You&#8217;re <em>wired for survival</em>.</p><p>You adapted perfectly to a childhood that asked you to abandon yourself for love.</p><p>But now&#8230;</p><p><strong>You&#8217;re allowed to choose differently.</strong></p><p>The journey starts by turning inward, getting curious, and reconnecting with your own worth.</p><div><hr></div><p>If this resonates, share a comment, ask a question, or hit subscribe.</p><p>And if you&#8217;re ready to go deeper &#8212; into healing your Inner Child, breaking emotional patterns, and learning how to be fully <em>you</em> in relationships&#8230;</p><p>&#128272; Check out the <strong>VIP section</strong> of <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em> for tools, trainings, and workbooks like:</p><ul><li><p><strong>The Trigger Method</strong> &#8211; How to decode your reactions and rewire your responses</p></li><li><p><strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; 5-minute rituals to reconnect with your emotions</p></li><li><p><strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; The hidden link between neurodivergence and emotional attraction</p></li><li><p><strong>Hell &amp; Paradise</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s raw memoir on heartbreak, triggers, and healing</p></li><li><p><strong>The AI Prompt Bible</strong> &#8211; Scripts for journaling, self-talk, boundary setting, and clarity</p></li></ul><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Start your 30-day VIP trial here</a></h2><p>You&#8217;re not here to settle for scraps.</p><p>You&#8217;re here to <em>relearn</em> love &#8212; starting with yourself.</p><h2>&#8212; Zalman, LCSW</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days.</h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-Ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-Ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Are You Emotionally Deprived?]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/are-you-emotionally-deprived</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/are-you-emotionally-deprived</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 06 Jun 2025 19:09:18 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><p>Our emotional struggles in the present often have roots that run deep into the past &#8212; shaped by the emotional environments we grew up in, the way we were treated, what was said (or left unsaid), and the needs that went unmet.</p><p>As children, we adapt. We build defenses. We form coping mechanisms &#8212; not because we&#8217;re broken, but because we&#8217;re <em>brilliant</em> at surviving.</p><p>But what helped us <em>cope</em> back then often keeps us <em>stuck</em> today.</p><h2><strong>Emotional Deprivation: A Silent Wound</strong></h2><p>When a child doesn&#8217;t receive the emotional nourishment they need &#8212; love, warmth, attention, understanding &#8212; they don&#8217;t just &#8220;get over it.&#8221; They internalize it.</p><p>They carry it into adulthood as a quiet but constant ache &#8212; a feeling that something&#8217;s missing, even if they can&#8217;t name what.</p><p>If you&#8217;ve ever thought:</p><ul><li><p>&#8220;I feel empty, like something&#8217;s just not there.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;No one really gets me.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll always be alone.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;I&#8217;m too much&#8230; or not enough.&#8221;</p></li></ul><p>That may not be anxiety, or neediness, or insecurity.</p><p>It might be <strong>emotional deprivation</strong>.</p><h3><strong>What It Feels Like</strong></h3><p>Emotional deprivation isn&#8217;t easy to detect &#8212; especially because it often starts <em>before</em> we had words to explain what was happening.</p><p>As adults, it can look like:</p><ul><li><p>A chronic sense of loneliness, even when you&#8217;re not alone</p></li><li><p>Feeling emotionally numb or detached</p></li><li><p>An ongoing ache that no one will ever truly show up for you</p></li><li><p>A sense that your emotional needs are <em>too much</em> for others to handle</p></li></ul><p>Some people cope by becoming emotionally intense &#8212; constantly needing more from partners, friends, or family.</p><p>Others avoid intimacy entirely &#8212; pushing people away as soon as things get close.</p><p>Some repeat the pattern by choosing partners who are cold, distant, or emotionally unavailable.</p><p>But in every case, the outcome is the same:</p><p>The child in you gets neglected all over again.</p><h3><strong>Why This Matters</strong></h3><p>Emotional deprivation doesn&#8217;t mean there&#8217;s something <em>wrong</em> with you. It means you didn&#8217;t get enough of what you <em>needed</em> &#8212; and you&#8217;ve been trying to fill that void ever since.</p><p>Healing begins when you stop blaming yourself&#8230;</p><p>&#8230;and start <strong>reconnecting with your Inner Child</strong>.</p><p>That means:</p><ul><li><p>Naming the emotions that come up when you feel triggered</p></li><li><p>Getting curious instead of critical when those feelings arise</p></li><li><p>Building a relationship with that younger part of you &#8212; and becoming the adult she needed all along</p></li></ul><p>You&#8217;re not asking for too much.</p><p>You&#8217;re asking for what you&#8217;ve always deserved.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128275; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If this resonated &#8212; and you&#8217;re ready to break this pattern for good &#8212; I&#8217;ve built a space just for that inside <strong>VIP</strong>.</p><p>In VIP, you&#8217;ll get access to tools that help you reconnect with your Inner Child, regulate emotional triggers, and start meeting your needs instead of outsourcing them.</p><p>&#128165; <em>The Trigger Method Workbook</em></p><p>&#129496; <em>The Daily Practice for Emotional Hygiene</em></p><p>&#129504; <em>The ADHD X Factor</em></p><p>&#128214; <em>Anton&#8217;s Memoir: Hell &amp; Paradise</em></p><p>&#129516; <em>The AI Prompt Bible (for reprogramming thought patterns)</em></p><p>&#8230; and much more.</p><h2>&#128073; <a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Start your free 30-day VIP trial here.</a></h2><p>Your healing doesn&#8217;t start with someone else giving you what you need.</p><p>It starts when <em>you</em> learn how to give it to yourself.</p><p>And I&#8217;d be honored to guide you there.</p><p>With warmth,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" width="1024" height="1032" 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP For 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP For 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[What Can I Do If I Can't Remember My Childhood? ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/what-can-i-do-if-i-cant-remember</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/what-can-i-do-if-i-cant-remember</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 05 Jun 2025 19:00:45 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h2><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h2><strong>What Can I Do If I Can&#8217;t Remember My Childhood?</strong></h2><p><em>A guide for those feeling stuck, disconnected, or confused about their past.</em></p><p>Many people come to therapy and quietly ask:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;What if I can&#8217;t remember my childhood at all?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Is there something wrong with me?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Can healing still happen without those memories?&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>The short answer is: <strong>Yes. Absolutely. There&#8217;s hope.</strong></p><p>You don&#8217;t need crystal-clear childhood memories to do powerful healing work. In fact, the emotions you&#8217;re feeling right now &#8212; especially when you&#8217;re triggered &#8212; are often <strong>direct windows</strong> into the very same experiences and unmet needs from your early life.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Why You Might Not Remember</strong></h3><p>Memory loss or gaps around childhood isn&#8217;t uncommon. It&#8217;s not a sign you&#8217;re broken &#8212; it&#8217;s often a sign that something painful or overwhelming happened, and your system did what it had to do: <strong>protect you</strong>.</p><p>Think of it as an internal part of you saying:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;This is too much. Let&#8217;s pack it away until we&#8217;re strong enough to face it.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>That&#8217;s not weakness. That&#8217;s <strong>wisdom and love</strong> from within.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128165; Emotions Are the Clues</strong></h3><p>You don&#8217;t need memories. You need <strong>feelings</strong>.</p><p>When something today triggers you &#8212; with a partner, a boss, a friend &#8212; the <strong>emotions</strong> that rise up are the <em>same ones</em> your Inner Child felt growing up.</p><p>That anxiety. That fear. That feeling of not being enough.</p><p>They&#8217;re echoes of an emotional truth that&#8217;s still waiting to be heard.</p><p>And when you <strong>name those feelings</strong> and start listening, you begin to reconnect with that part of yourself &#8212; the one you&#8217;ve been disconnected from for years.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Work</strong></h3><p>The truth is this: It&#8217;s not your fault you were neglected, unseen, or emotionally abandoned as a kid.</p><p>But it <em>is</em> your responsibility now to show up for that part of yourself.</p><p>To build a relationship with your Inner Child.</p><p>To become the parent you never had.</p><p>To say, &#8220;I see you. I hear you. I&#8217;ve got you.&#8221;</p><p>That&#8217;s what healing is.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129517; What To Do Now</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Get curious instead of judgmental.</p></li><li><p>Notice your triggers &#8212; what&#8217;s the emotion underneath?</p></li><li><p>Use a <strong>feelings chart</strong> if you&#8217;re unsure how to name it.</p></li><li><p>Ask yourself: <em>When else have I felt this?</em></p></li><li><p>Begin talking to yourself as if you were that 7-year-old &#8212; because part of you still is.</p></li></ul><p>Memories may return as you build trust within. But even if they don&#8217;t, your emotional system knows the way.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If this message hit home&#8230;</p><p>If you&#8217;re ready to stop avoiding your past and start <em>actually healing it</em>&#8230;</p><p>Then you&#8217;ll want to check out <strong>Permission to Be Powerful VIP</strong>.</p><p>Inside VIP, you&#8217;ll get access to premium tools and trainings designed to help you <strong>reparent your Inner Child</strong>, build emotional resilience, and finally break free from the patterns that have run your life for years:</p><p>&#9989; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8212; Learn how to use emotional triggers as a map to healing, rather than a source of shame or shutdown.</p><p>&#9989; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8212; A simple, powerful system for emotional hygiene and self-regulation.</p><p>&#9989; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8212; Understand how your brain&#8217;s wiring impacts emotional patterns, communication, and healing.</p><p>&#9989; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8212; Anton&#8217;s raw, unforgettable memoir of heartbreak and self-discovery.</p><p>&#9989; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible</strong> &#8212; 70+ plug-and-play scripts to rewire your mind, habits, and healing process using AI.</p><p>&#9989; And much more&#8230;</p><p><strong>Start your 30-day VIP trial free</strong> and experience what it&#8217;s like to <em>finally feel seen, safe, and self-led</em>.</p><p>Because your Inner Child isn&#8217;t going to heal by accident &#8212; but with the right tools, support, and structure, it <em>absolutely can</em>.</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Test-drive VIP free for 30 days here</a></h2><p>You&#8217;re not too broken.</p><p>You&#8217;re not too late.</p><p>And the work <em>actually works</em> &#8212; when you have the right guidance.</p><p>See you inside.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, 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data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1032,&quot;width&quot;:1024,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:145343,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/i/161352547?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Hidden Power of Red Flags]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/the-hidden-power-of-red-flags-unveiling</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/the-hidden-power-of-red-flags-unveiling</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 04 Jun 2025 19:00:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h2><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h3>It might sound strange to say this&#8230;</h3><h1>But I appreciate red flags.</h1><p>Not because I enjoy watching anyone struggle &#8212; far from it.</p><p>But because red flags are <em>powerful</em> tools. </p><h2>And when you know how to read them, they stop being threats&#8230; and start becoming guides.</h2><p>As a therapist, I work with a lot of people navigating the shift from dating into relationships &#8212; and from chaos into clarity. In that process, red flags are essential.</p><p>They mark the moment when healing becomes possible.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#9878;&#65039; The Shift From Victim to Empowered</strong></h3><p>One of the most important pivots in therapy is the move from feeling <em>powerless</em> to taking <em>ownership</em>.</p><p>When you start asking not &#8220;Why does this always happen to me?&#8221;</p><p>But instead, &#8220;What is this showing me about myself?&#8221;</p><p>That&#8217;s when transformation begins.</p><p>Red flags &#8212; those gut feelings, those awkward moments, those subtle warning signs &#8212; are invitations to investigate, not indictments to flee from blindly.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; &#8220;Why Do I Keep Attracting the Same Type?&#8221;</strong></h3><p>I hear this all the time:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;Why do I keep dating the same type of person?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Why do I ignore red flags until it&#8217;s too late?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Are there <em>any</em> good guys/girls out there?&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>What&#8217;s really being asked underneath is this:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;Why do I keep finding myself in the same emotional <em>place</em> over and over again?&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>Here&#8217;s the answer: because you&#8217;re not just dating people &#8212; you&#8217;re dating <em>patterns</em>.</p><p>And those patterns come from within.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129517; Red Flags = Self-Awareness Tools</strong></h3><p>Forget the clickbait lists of &#8220;10 Red Flags to Watch For.&#8221;</p><p>That&#8217;s helpful as a start &#8212; but not the whole story.</p><p>What <em>you</em> need to ask is:</p><ul><li><p>What <em>feels</em> off to me in this interaction?</p></li><li><p>What part of me is reacting right now &#8212; my adult self or my inner child?</p></li><li><p>What does this moment remind me of?</p></li></ul><p>These are the questions that shift red flags from <em>fear</em> to <em>feedback</em>.</p><p>Because the most important red flags aren&#8217;t about the other person.</p><p>They&#8217;re about <em>your reaction</em> to the other person.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Empowerment Means Looking Inward</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s what I teach clients every day:</p><blockquote><p><strong>Your job isn&#8217;t to avoid red flags.</strong></p><p>Your job is to understand what they&#8217;re pointing you toward inside yourself.</p></blockquote><p>That&#8217;s where the gold is. That&#8217;s where the healing begins.</p><p>Red flags are like emotional flares &#8212; they illuminate where your boundaries are weak, where your validation is outsourced, and where your past still echoes.</p><p>When you turn toward them, rather than away, you grow.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128165; From Reaction to Reflection</strong></h3><p>The big moment of healing isn&#8217;t when you finally dodge a toxic person.</p><p>It&#8217;s when you ask:</p><ul><li><p>What drew me in?</p></li><li><p>What did this person trigger in me?</p></li><li><p>What unmet need was I chasing through them?</p></li></ul><p>Because healing isn&#8217;t just about <em>avoiding pain</em>.</p><p>It&#8217;s about <em>understanding it</em>, so you don&#8217;t need to attract it anymore.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h3><p>Red flags aren&#8217;t here to hurt you.</p><p>They&#8217;re here to wake you up.</p><p>To show you where you still have work to do.</p><p>To help you spot your own patterns.</p><p>To guide you back into relationship with your <em>self</em> &#8212; where the real power lives.</p><p>So the next time you see a red flag? Don&#8217;t run.</p><p>Pause. Reflect. Listen.</p><p>Because that&#8217;s not just danger ahead.</p><p>It might be your next doorway to freedom.</p><p>With warmth,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[When Does a Relationship Actually Begin? (Hint: It’s Not When You Think)]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/when-does-a-relationship-actually</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/when-does-a-relationship-actually</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 03 Jun 2025 19:00:24 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,Most people think a relationship starts when the chemistry is strong.</p><p>Or when the texts are flirty.</p><p>Or when you&#8217;ve had a few deep convos.</p><p>Or when you&#8217;re spending lots of time together.</p><p>It <em>feels</em> like something real is happening.</p><p>But it&#8217;s not &#8212; not yet.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128165; A Relationship Begins When There&#8217;s a Rupture</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s the truth:</p><p>A relationship <em>actually</em> begins the moment something goes wrong.</p><ul><li><p>A disagreement</p></li><li><p>A mistake</p></li><li><p>A hurt feeling</p></li><li><p>A breakdown in communication</p></li></ul><p>That&#8217;s the moment that reveals whether this is a connection or a commitment.</p><p>Until then? You&#8217;re still just dating.</p><blockquote><p>Real relationships don&#8217;t start in harmony.</p><p>They begin at the first test.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#127919; The Crucial Question: How Do They Handle Conflict?</strong></h3><p>That&#8217;s the pivot point.</p><p>That&#8217;s where the fork in the road appears.</p><p><strong>Do they:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Acknowledge what happened?</p></li><li><p>Apologize with sincerity &#8212; not ego?</p></li><li><p>Make a genuine effort to repair it?</p></li><li><p>Show that your feelings <em>matter</em>?</p></li></ul><p>Or do they:</p><ul><li><p>Get defensive?</p></li><li><p>Minimize your experience?</p></li><li><p>Shift blame?</p></li><li><p>Shut down or ghost?</p></li></ul><blockquote><p>That moment tells you <em>everything</em> you need to know.</p></blockquote><p>Because how someone handles mistakes is how they&#8217;ll handle <em>you</em>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Trust Is Built Through Repair</strong></h3><p>It&#8217;s easy to trust when things are going smoothly.</p><p>The real test comes when someone messes up.</p><blockquote><p>Do they come closer to you after the rupture?</p><p>Or do they disappear, lash out, or pretend it didn&#8217;t happen?</p></blockquote><p>Repair builds intimacy.</p><p>Avoidance builds resentment.</p><p>If someone can own their part, apologize with humility, and work with you to understand what went wrong &#8212; they&#8217;re showing you they care more about the <em>relationship</em> than being <em>right</em>.</p><p>That&#8217;s when trust begins.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#127786;&#65039; The End of the Honeymoon Isn&#8217;t the End &#8212; It&#8217;s the Beginning</strong></h3><p>People think the &#8220;honeymoon phase&#8221; is the best part of a relationship.</p><p>It&#8217;s not.</p><p>It&#8217;s the <em>preview</em> &#8212; not the movie.</p><p>The actual story starts when the real stuff comes up.</p><p>When it gets messy. Vulnerable. Raw.</p><blockquote><p>A true relationship starts when things stop being perfect &#8212; and both people choose to stay, grow, and repair together.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129517; Practical Dating Advice: Look for This Signal</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re wondering <em>when</em> dating becomes a relationship, watch for this:</p><p><strong>The first rupture &#8212; and the response.</strong></p><p>That&#8217;s the moment that tells you:</p><ul><li><p>Can they handle emotional tension?</p></li><li><p>Do they value you enough to work through it?</p></li><li><p>Is this connection real or just convenient?</p></li></ul><p>If the answer is yes &#8212; if they repair with care, and you both feel more connected <em>after</em> the rupture than before &#8212; that&#8217;s the sign you&#8217;re in something real.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h3><p>The relationship doesn&#8217;t begin when everything&#8217;s going right.</p><p>It begins when something <em>goes wrong</em> &#8212; and you both lean in instead of bailing out.</p><p>So next time you hit that first bump in the road?</p><p>Don&#8217;t panic.</p><p>It might not be the beginning of the end.</p><p>It might just be the beginning.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" width="1024" height="1032" 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-Ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-Ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Inner Child Healing: How to Heal Your Inner Child — And Become a Better Parent in the Process]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/inner-child-healing-how-to-heal-your</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/inner-child-healing-how-to-heal-your</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 02 Jun 2025 19:00:52 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><p>What if the key to becoming the parent you wish you had&#8230;</p><p>Was learning how to parent <em>yourself</em> first?</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128118; You Are Two: Adult + Inner Child</strong></h3><p>By the time you&#8217;re around 12 years old, something shifts.</p><p>An <em>Adult Self</em> comes online. But the <em>Inner Child</em> &#8212; the part of you shaped in the early years &#8212; doesn&#8217;t disappear. It stays with you.</p><p>And unless you&#8217;ve done the work to build a relationship with that younger part of yourself, it&#8217;s still running the show in more ways than you realize.</p><blockquote><p>Most of us walk through the world as two people:</p><p>An adult on the surface, and a child beneath &#8212; still waiting for the love, validation, and security we never got.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128148; Inner Child Healing = Meeting Unmet Needs</strong></h3><p>The pain you carry today?</p><p>That overreaction? That sudden anxiety? That deep fear of abandonment?</p><p>It&#8217;s not random.</p><p>It&#8217;s the voice of a younger you &#8212; the 7-year-old still living inside.</p><p>He or she absorbed messages like:</p><ul><li><p>&#8220;You&#8217;re only good when you behave.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t matter.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;Your feelings are too much.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;You&#8217;re not safe.&#8221;</p></li></ul><p>And when those needs went unmet &#8212; love, safety, validation &#8212; you adapted. You survived. But the wounds remained.</p><p>Today, they show up as:</p><ul><li><p>People-pleasing</p></li><li><p>Self-doubt</p></li><li><p>Overreacting to small things</p></li><li><p>Being triggered by your own kids</p></li></ul><blockquote><p>Inner Child healing is the work of listening to those emotions, naming them, validating them &#8212; and becoming the safe parent you always needed.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; It&#8217;s Not Your Fault &#8212; But It</strong></h3><h3><strong>Is</strong></h3><h3><strong>Your Responsibility</strong></h3><p>You didn&#8217;t choose your childhood.</p><p>You didn&#8217;t cause the neglect, the chaos, or the emotional absence.</p><p>But you <em>can</em> choose what happens next.</p><p>This isn&#8217;t about blame.</p><p>It&#8217;s about <strong>ownership</strong>.</p><p>When you start seeing your own reactions as echoes of the past &#8212; not flaws in the present &#8212; everything begins to shift.</p><p>You stop asking &#8220;What&#8217;s wrong with me?&#8221;</p><p>And start asking: &#8220;What does my Inner Child need right now?&#8221;</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128161; Emotional Triggers Are Clues</strong></h3><p>Every time you overreact in the present&#8230;</p><p>Every time your partner, child, or coworker &#8220;sets you off&#8221;&#8230;</p><p>It&#8217;s a doorway.</p><p>A portal to something unfinished. Something unheard.</p><blockquote><p>That&#8217;s not your adult reacting &#8212; it&#8217;s the Inner Child asking for help.</p><p>She doesn&#8217;t want you to numb out or fight back. She wants to be <em>heard</em>.</p></blockquote><p>Use a <strong>feelings chart</strong>.</p><p>Sit with the discomfort.</p><p>Ask: &#8220;When else have I felt this?&#8221;</p><p>That&#8217;s how you locate the root.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129490; Parenting Starts With How You Parent Yourself</strong></h3><p>This isn&#8217;t just about you.</p><p>How you treat your Inner Child becomes how you treat your <em>actual</em> children.</p><p>That&#8217;s why so many people say,</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll never treat my kids the way I was treated&#8221;&#8230;</p><p>&#8230;only to find themselves doing exactly that.</p></blockquote><p>Because until we do the inner work, the wounded child runs the show &#8212; even when we&#8217;re trying to show up as adults.</p><p>But when you begin to build that relationship &#8212; when you start <em>validating</em> your own Inner Child &#8212; something magical happens.</p><blockquote><p>You become the parent you always needed.</p><p>And you naturally become the parent your children need.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129496; Learn from Children</strong></h3><p>Need a practical way to connect with your Inner Child?</p><p>Spend time with actual children.</p><p>Watch how you speak to them. How gently you offer support. How you explain things with patience and presence.</p><blockquote><p>Then do that for yourself.</p><p>Speak to your own Inner Child with the same warmth and understanding.</p></blockquote><p>Can&#8217;t visualize it?</p><p>Put a picture of yourself at age 7 on your fridge or phone.</p><p>Talk to <em>that</em> child next time you feel triggered.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129309; Unconditional Acceptance = Healing</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s the ultimate gift we can give both our Inner Child and our real children:</p><p><strong>Unconditional acceptance.</strong></p><p>Not: &#8220;You&#8217;re lovable <em>when</em> you behave.&#8221;</p><p>But: &#8220;You&#8217;re lovable <em>because</em> you are.&#8221;</p><p>That doesn&#8217;t mean tolerating bad behavior. It means separating the person from the action.</p><ul><li><p>&#8220;I love you. I don&#8217;t love that behavior.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;You&#8217;re good. That decision wasn&#8217;t.&#8221;</p></li></ul><p>When we do that for our children &#8212; and for ourselves &#8212; we create emotional safety. And safety is what heals.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>Inside <strong>Permission to Be Powerful: VIP</strong>, we go step-by-step into how to heal these wounds and shift your relationships &#8212; from the inside out.</p><p>Here&#8217;s what you&#8217;ll unlock:</p><p>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; Learn how to turn emotional triggers into a roadmap for healing</p><p>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Grounding exercises to connect with your Inner Child every day</p><p>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Understand how neurodivergence impacts emotions, self-worth, and parenting</p><p>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8211; A raw memoir about healing childhood wounds and reclaiming your power</p><p>&#128172; <strong>Real Scripts + Tools</strong> &#8211; Know what to say when you&#8217;re triggered, overwhelmed, or slipping into old patterns</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Try VIP Free for 30 Days</a></h2><p>This isn&#8217;t about fixing yourself.</p><p>It&#8217;s about <strong>meeting yourself</strong> &#8212; with love, clarity, and consistency.</p><p>And from that place, everything changes.</p><p>Talk soon,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" 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src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" width="1024" height="1032" 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[When You've Been Living Your Life Like a Broken Record]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Pattern Premium Post...]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/when-youve-been-living-your-life</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/when-youve-been-living-your-life</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 01 Jun 2025 19:00:30 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A <strong>Life Pattern</strong> is a long-term emotional and behavioral loop &#8212; a kind of psychological program that&#8217;s been running inside you since childhood.</p><p>We all have them.</p><p>They form early &#8212; when you were small, vulnerable, and doing your best to adapt to a world that didn&#8217;t always meet your needs.</p><ul><li><p>If love came with conditions, you learned to earn it.</p></li><li><p>If safety meant silence, you learned to hide.</p></li><li><p>If attention came only when you performed, you became a perfectionist.</p></li></ul><p>These were smart, adaptive responses for a child trying to survive.</p><p>But now, as adults?</p><blockquote><p>They keep pulling us into relationships and situations that <em>mirror the past</em> &#8212; even when we swear we want something different.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#9888;&#65039; Life Patterns Are Self-Destructive</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s the hard part:</p><blockquote><p><strong>Life Patterns don&#8217;t care if you&#8217;re happy.</strong></p><p>They care if you&#8217;re safe &#8212; or more accurately, if things feel <em>familiar.</em></p></blockquote><p>So even if something is harmful&#8230; if it&#8217;s <em>what you know</em>, your nervous system clings to it.</p><p>That&#8217;s why Life Patterns:</p><ul><li><p>Sabotage relationships that are healthy</p></li><li><p>Pull you toward people who trigger old pain</p></li><li><p>Make you repeat behaviors you promised you&#8217;d never do again</p></li><li><p>Undermine your progress just when you&#8217;re about to break through</p></li></ul><p>They infect every area of life &#8212; love, career, confidence, mood, even physical health.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Life Patterns Are Resistant</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s what makes them tricky:</p><ul><li><p>They <strong>don&#8217;t want to change</strong></p></li><li><p>They feel <strong>comfortable</strong>, even when they&#8217;re painful</p></li><li><p>They <strong>fought for your survival</strong> once &#8212; so part of you feels loyal to them</p></li></ul><p>Let&#8217;s say your pattern is: <em>&#8220;I have to overfunction to feel safe.&#8221;</em></p><p>It probably helped you survive an unpredictable home as a kid.</p><p>But now? It&#8217;s burning you out, wrecking your boundaries, and leaving you resentful.</p><p>Still, it&#8217;s familiar. And so your system resists letting it go.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129694; The Pattern Is the Problem &#8212; Not You</strong></h3><p>This is key.</p><p>Read it slowly. Let it land.</p><blockquote><p><strong>You are not broken.</strong></p><p>Your <strong>Pattern</strong> is the problem.</p></blockquote><p>Your true self &#8212; the one that&#8217;s open, loving, creative, resilient &#8212; is still there.</p><p>It&#8217;s just been buried under years of fear-based programming.</p><p>When you hear that inner voice saying:</p><ul><li><p>&#8220;You&#8217;re not good enough&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;This will never work&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;You always mess it up&#8221;</p></li></ul><p>That&#8217;s not the real you.</p><blockquote><p>That&#8217;s your Pattern &#8212; <em>masquerading</em> as your inner voice.</p></blockquote><p>It&#8217;s time to stop believing everything it says.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129516; You Are Two Selves: Pattern vs. Authentic</strong></h3><p>Right now, there are two versions of you inside:</p><ol><li><p><strong>Pattern-You</strong></p><ul><li><p>Fearful, anxious, defensive, stuck in old beliefs</p></li><li><p>Rooted in childhood wounds</p></li><li><p>Looks at life through trauma-tinted glasses</p></li></ul></li><li><p><strong>Authentic-You</strong></p><ul><li><p>Confident, open, curious, wise</p></li><li><p>Wants to grow, love, create, and <em>finally feel free</em></p></li></ul></li></ol><p>The work is helping <strong>Authentic You</strong> take the wheel.</p><p>Not by fighting the pattern, but by gently recognizing it &#8212; and choosing something different.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128295; Real Growth Requires a Real Plan</strong></h3><p>This is why so many self-help methods don&#8217;t work long-term.</p><p>They don&#8217;t account for Life Patterns.</p><p>They focus on behavior &#8212; but ignore the emotional wiring underneath.</p><p>And that wiring will always pull you back into the familiar, unless you <strong>rewire it</strong> from the inside out.</p><p>But here&#8217;s the good news:</p><blockquote><p>Once you start spotting your Patterns, you begin to get free from them.</p><p>You stop blaming yourself.</p><p>You stop relapsing into old loops.</p><p>And you start moving toward the life you&#8217;ve always craved &#8212; with real, lasting change.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h3><p>You&#8217;re not bad.</p><p>You&#8217;re not weak.</p><p>You&#8217;re not failing.</p><blockquote><p>You&#8217;re living inside a Life Pattern that&#8217;s outlived its usefulness.</p></blockquote><p>And now &#8212; finally &#8212; you&#8217;re ready to shift it.</p><p>To connect with your authentic self.</p><p>To build a life that isn&#8217;t run by fear, guilt, or survival-mode.</p><p>To choose a path that <em>actually works</em> &#8212; because it honors everything you&#8217;ve been through&#8230; and everything you&#8217;re becoming.</p><div><hr></div><h1><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h1><p>Inside <strong>Permission to Be Powerful: VIP</strong>, we work directly with these patterns:</p><p>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; Learn how to trace patterns back to their roots and rewrite them for good</p><p>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Grounding tools to help you stay connected to your <em>Authentic You</em> &#8212; even in the heat of the moment</p><p>&#128161; <strong>Self-Validation Tools</strong> &#8211; Rebuild your sense of worth from the inside out</p><p>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s raw story of loss, love, and finding his way back to himself</p><p>&#128172; <strong>Scripts, insights, and frameworks</strong> for breaking free of people-pleasing, overthinking, and emotional loops</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Try VIP Free for 30 Days</a></h2><p>If you&#8217;re ready to stop circling the same mountain &#8212; and actually climb out &#8212; this is your next step.</p><p>Talk soon,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, 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data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1032,&quot;width&quot;:1024,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:145343,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/i/161352547?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" 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stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Understanding Emotional Validation ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/understanding-emotional-validation</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/understanding-emotional-validation</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 31 May 2025 19:00:18 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><strong>Emotional Validation: How to Stop Going Bankrupt for Love</strong></h2><p><em>And Finally Start Funding Yourself</em></p><p>Let&#8217;s start with a definition:</p><blockquote><p><strong>Emotional validation</strong> is the experience of feeling seen, heard, and accepted.</p><p>It&#8217;s the opposite of being judged, rejected, ignored, or criticized.</p></blockquote><p>It&#8217;s a feeling we all crave &#8212; not because we&#8217;re weak, but because we&#8217;re <em>wired</em> for it. Emotional validation is to the soul what oxygen is to the lungs.</p><p>But here&#8217;s the problem:</p><p>Most of us were never taught how to <em>give it to ourselves.</em></p><p>And that leaves us constantly chasing it from others &#8212; often in ways that drain us, distort our boundaries, and keep us feeling like we&#8217;re not enough.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128184; External Validation Is Like Money</strong></h3><p>Let&#8217;s use a metaphor I often share in sessions:</p><blockquote><p><strong>External validation is like money.</strong></p></blockquote><p>We all have a <strong>validation account</strong> &#8212; a kind of emotional bank where self-worth, approval, and reassurance live.</p><p>And for most people?</p><blockquote><p><strong>Other people are their only source of income.</strong></p></blockquote><p>That&#8217;s a dangerous place to be.</p><p>Why?</p><p>Because if your emotional bank account depends entirely on how someone else looks at you, texts you back, or smiles at your joke &#8212; your self-worth rises and falls like the stock market.</p><p>You become dependent.</p><p>Desperate.</p><p>Codependent.</p><p>You start violating your own boundaries &#8212; saying &#8220;yes&#8221; when you mean &#8220;no,&#8221; staying when you should walk, giving when you&#8217;re already depleted &#8212; all for the <em>hope</em> of a few coins of validation.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Why This Pattern Starts</strong></h3><p>Most of us didn&#8217;t get enough emotional validation growing up.</p><p>Not because our parents were bad &#8212; but because they were human.</p><p>Maybe you were ignored when you cried.</p><p>Maybe your needs were too much.</p><p>Maybe you got approval only when you performed, smiled, or made others comfortable.</p><p>So you learned:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;I feel good when others approve of me&#8230; and I feel worthless when they don&#8217;t.&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>And that wiring never got updated.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#9888;&#65039; The Problem With External-Only Validation</strong></h3><p>When we rely solely on other people to feel worthy, here&#8217;s what happens:</p><ul><li><p>If they smile at us &#8594; we feel valuable</p></li><li><p>If they frown &#8594; we feel rejected</p></li><li><p>If they compliment us &#8594; we rise</p></li><li><p>If they&#8217;re upset &#8594; we collapse</p></li></ul><p>It&#8217;s like earning a dollar and losing ten &#8212; over and over &#8212; all day long.</p><p>No matter how hard you work to please others, the account never fills up.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129496;&#8205;&#9794;&#65039; Learning to Validate Yourself</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s where the shift happens.</p><blockquote><p><strong>You have to become your own source of emotional income.</strong></p></blockquote><p>You can&#8217;t control how others feel, think, or act.</p><p>But you can learn to speak to yourself with kindness.</p><p>To pause and say: <em>&#8220;That was hard, and I&#8217;m proud of how I handled it.&#8221;</em></p><p>To give yourself reassurance <em>before</em> you beg others for it.</p><p>That&#8217;s emotional independence.</p><p>That&#8217;s self-sourced validation.</p><p>It doesn&#8217;t mean you don&#8217;t <em>enjoy</em> approval.</p><p>It means you&#8217;re not <em>enslaved</em> to it.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128161; When You Learn to Self-Validate&#8230;</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Criticism doesn&#8217;t collapse your entire sense of self</p></li><li><p>Someone&#8217;s bad mood doesn&#8217;t send you spiraling</p></li><li><p>You can say &#8220;no&#8221; without guilt</p></li><li><p>You can fail without falling apart</p></li><li><p>You can walk away from draining relationships without begging to be loved</p></li></ul><p>Because the account is full.</p><p>Because <strong>you</strong> are funding your worth &#8212; not waiting for someone else to write the check.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Try This:</strong></h3><ol><li><p><strong>Catch yourself in the act of people-pleasing.</strong></p><p>Pause and ask: <em>&#8220;What am I hoping to get from them right now?&#8221;</em></p></li><li><p><strong>Start validating yourself in small ways.</strong></p><p>After a hard moment, say to yourself: <em>&#8220;That was tough. And I&#8217;m proud of how I showed up.&#8221;</em></p><p>Don&#8217;t wait for someone else to notice. <strong>Be the one who notices.</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>Use a Feelings Chart.</strong></p><p>When you&#8217;re upset or craving validation, name what you&#8217;re feeling.</p><p>Giving language to your experience is a form of validation.</p></li></ol><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h3><p>You can&#8217;t always control what others give you.</p><p>But you can start giving yourself the one thing you&#8217;ve been chasing:</p><blockquote><p><strong>Permission to feel worthy &#8212; without earning it.</strong></p></blockquote><p>That&#8217;s emotional wealth.</p><p>That&#8217;s security.</p><p>That&#8217;s freedom.</p><p>And it&#8217;s not something you wait for.</p><blockquote><p>It&#8217;s something you <em>practice.</em></p></blockquote><p>Every time you pause&#8230; feel&#8230; validate&#8230; and choose yourself,</p><p>you&#8217;re making a deposit into the most important account there is.</p><p>Your own.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>Inside <strong>Permission to Be Powerful: VIP</strong>, we go deep into rewiring your emotional economy:</p><p>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; Learn how to identify unmet needs and reparent the part of you that craves approval.</p><p>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Grounding habits that build self-trust and inner stability.</p><p>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Why you overthink, overgive, and over-attach&#8230; and how to stop.</p><p>&#127873; <strong>Scripts, prompts, and tools</strong> to help you validate yourself in real-time &#8212; no therapist required.</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Start your 30-day VIP trial here</a></h2><p>You&#8217;ve earned the right to feel worthy.</p><p>Let&#8217;s build the bank account that reflects that.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" width="1024" height="1032" 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Why You Keep Attracting The 'Wrong' Person In Relationships ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/why-you-keep-attracting-the-wrong</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/why-you-keep-attracting-the-wrong</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 30 May 2025 19:00:34 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h2><strong>&#8220;Why Do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People?&#8221;</strong></h2><p><em>The Truth About Your Attraction System &#8212; and How to Finally Change It</em></p><p>Do you ever find yourself wondering:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;Why does the universe keep sending me the worst people?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Why do I keep attracting toxic partners or friends?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Are there even any good guys or girls out there?&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>You&#8217;re not alone.</p><p>In fact, if you&#8217;ve asked this more than once &#8212; you&#8217;re <em>very much</em> not alone.</p><p>So let&#8217;s talk about what&#8217;s really going on.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129517; You Have a Perfect Attraction System</strong></h3><p>It may not feel like it &#8212; especially if you&#8217;ve had a streak of painful, one-sided, or chaotic relationships.</p><p>But here&#8217;s the truth:</p><blockquote><p><strong>Your attraction system isn&#8217;t broken. It&#8217;s actually perfect.</strong></p><p>It&#8217;s doing <em>exactly</em> what it was designed to do.</p></blockquote><p>Only&#8230; not at the level of your adult mind.</p><p>It&#8217;s operating from the emotional blueprint created in your earliest years &#8212; the part of you that psychologists call the <strong>Inner Child</strong>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128103; You Are Two: An Adult and a Child</strong></h3><p>Every adult walking around today is made up of two main emotional parts:</p><ol><li><p><strong>The Inner Child</strong> &#8211; formed between birth and around age 12.</p><p>This part absorbed messages, experiences, patterns, and pain. It&#8217;s sensitive, reactive, and holds unmet emotional needs.</p></li><li><p><strong>The Adult Self</strong> &#8211; rational, responsible, logical.</p><p>This part comes online later &#8212; but doesn&#8217;t erase the child. It simply overlays it.</p></li></ol><p>So when you enter relationships, it&#8217;s not just your adult self choosing.</p><blockquote><p>It&#8217;s your Inner Child scanning for familiar patterns &#8212; even the painful ones.</p></blockquote><p>Because to the nervous system, <strong>familiar = safe.</strong></p><p>Even if it hurts.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128257; Why You Keep Attracting the Same Type</strong></h3><p>When your emotional wounds go unhealed, they <em>recruit people</em> to help you re-feel those feelings.</p><p>Yes, <em>re-feel</em>.</p><p>That awful boyfriend, that critical boss, that distant friend?</p><p>They all tap into <em>the same core wound</em>.</p><ul><li><p>&#8220;I&#8217;m not enough.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;I&#8217;m too much.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;I have to earn love.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>&#8220;If I speak up, I&#8217;ll be abandoned.&#8221;</p></li></ul><p>Your nervous system &#8212; not your logic &#8212; is what&#8217;s attracting these people.</p><blockquote><p>Because your attraction system isn&#8217;t broken&#8230; it&#8217;s trying to help you <em>finally face what&#8217;s inside you.</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128140; The Universe Isn&#8217;t Mocking You. It&#8217;s Mirroring You.</strong></h3><p>Think of each difficult relationship as a package being delivered by Amazon.</p><p>Except the package isn&#8217;t from them &#8212; it&#8217;s from <em>you</em>.</p><p>Inside the box?</p><blockquote><p>A bundle of unresolved feelings your Inner Child has been carrying for years.</p></blockquote><p>And until you open the door, sign for the package, and <em>look inside</em>&#8230;</p><p>The deliveries will keep coming.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Try This Right Now:</strong></h3><ol><li><p>Think about your most recent difficult relationship.</p><p>A fight, a betrayal, a recurring pattern.</p></li><li><p>Pause.</p><p>And instead of asking, <em>&#8220;Why did they do that?&#8221;</em> &#8212; ask:</p></li></ol><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;What was I feeling in that moment?&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><ol start="3"><li><p>Don&#8217;t rush. Use a <strong>feelings chart</strong> if you need help finding the words.</p></li></ol><p>Name <strong>5&#8211;8 emotions</strong> you felt in that moment.</p><p>Now ask:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;When else in my life have I felt these feelings?&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>Boom. The light goes on.</p><p>Suddenly, that fight with your ex isn&#8217;t just about them.</p><p>It&#8217;s a doorway back into something deeper inside of <em>you</em>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128736; This Is the Work</strong></h3><p>The work isn&#8217;t to blame yourself.</p><p>The work is to <em>reclaim your power.</em></p><p>Because the moment you stop avoiding your feelings&#8230; and start <strong>listening</strong> to them?</p><p>You shift everything.</p><ul><li><p>You start healing the Inner Child part that&#8217;s been quietly running the show.</p></li><li><p>You become less triggered &#8212; more grounded &#8212; in future relationships.</p></li><li><p>And that perfect attraction system? It updates. It stops bringing in chaos and starts attracting calm, connection, and truth.</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h3><p>You don&#8217;t attract the wrong people because you&#8217;re broken.</p><p>You attract them because your nervous system is trying to heal through reenactment.</p><p>But healing doesn&#8217;t happen by repeating. It happens by <strong>feeling.</strong></p><p>And when you start to feel &#8212; really feel &#8212; what&#8217;s been there all along?</p><p>You start attracting something (and someone) completely different.</p><p>You start attracting from the <em>adult</em> part of you &#8212; not the wounded child.</p><p>And that changes everything.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re done repeating the same painful patterns in relationships&#8230;</p><p>If you&#8217;re ready to face what&#8217;s underneath and finally come home to yourself&#8230;</p><p>Inside <strong>Permission to Be Powerful: VIP</strong>, we help you do just that:</p><p>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; My go-to system for decoding emotional patterns and reconnecting with your Inner Child</p><p>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Emotional regulation rituals that help you stay present, grounded, and whole &#8212; even in tough moments</p><p>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Rewire the patterns that make you overgive, overthink, and attract chaos</p><p>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE</strong> (Anton&#8217;s memoir) &#8211; Raw healing insights on heartbreak, power, and rewriting your story</p><p>&#127919; <strong>Plus:</strong> Relationship scripts, emotional repair tools, guided journaling prompts, and more.</p><p>&#128073; <a href="#">Start your free 30-day VIP trial here</a></p><p>You are not broken.</p><p>You&#8217;ve just never been taught how this works.</p><p>Now you know.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[What is A People Pleaser? ]]></title><description><![CDATA[What Is a People Pleaser?]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/what-is-a-people-pleaser</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/what-is-a-people-pleaser</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 29 May 2025 19:00:38 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><strong>What Is a People Pleaser?</strong></h2><p><em>And How to Finally Stop Being One</em></p><p>A new Text Therapy client reached out last week and said something I hear often:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;I&#8217;m here to find confidence&#8230; and stop being a yes-man. I&#8217;m a people pleaser.&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>He&#8217;s not alone.</p><p>This phrase &#8212; <em>&#8220;I&#8217;m a people pleaser&#8221;</em> &#8212; has become a kind of shorthand for emotional exhaustion. For overgiving. For saying yes when your soul is screaming no.</p><p>But what does it actually mean?</p><p>Let&#8217;s break it down together &#8212; from definition to signs to the emotional root system behind it &#8212; and how to begin healing.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172;</strong></h3><h3><strong>What Is a People Pleaser?</strong></h3><p>A people pleaser is someone whose <strong>low self-esteem</strong>, <strong>self-worth</strong>, and <strong>inner validation system</strong> are so damaged that they&#8217;ve learned to survive by pleasing others.</p><ul><li><p>They shape-shift.</p></li><li><p>They say yes constantly.</p></li><li><p>They overextend.</p></li><li><p>They hide their truth.</p></li><li><p>They <em>feel unsafe unless others are happy with them.</em></p></li></ul><p>On the surface, they may appear kind, giving, helpful, even cheerful.</p><p>But underneath? There&#8217;s often anxiety, resentment, confusion, and deep fatigue.</p><p>They&#8217;re not just being &#8220;nice.&#8221;</p><p>They&#8217;re trying to stay safe.</p><p>Because somewhere along the line, their nervous system got wired to believe:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;I&#8217;ll be loved if I&#8217;m useful. I&#8217;ll be accepted if I don&#8217;t cause problems. I&#8217;ll be safe if I disappear.&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128203;</strong></h3><h3><strong>Signs You Might Be a People Pleaser</strong></h3><ul><li><p>You always say yes &#8212; even when you want to say no</p></li><li><p>You feel uncomfortable expressing your needs</p></li><li><p>You find yourself doing things for people&#8230; and resenting them for it later</p></li><li><p>You overcommit your time, energy, and attention</p></li><li><p>You avoid conflict at all costs</p></li><li><p>You feel responsible for how other people feel</p></li><li><p>You rarely ask for help or let others take care of you</p></li><li><p>You feel guilty when you put yourself first</p></li></ul><p>If you relate to most of these&#8230;</p><p>Take a breath. You&#8217;re not alone.</p><p>And you&#8217;re not broken.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128269;</strong></h3><h3><strong>The Emotional Root</strong></h3><p>Most people pleasers don&#8217;t start out that way.</p><p>They&#8217;re shaped that way.</p><p>Maybe you had a parent who was emotionally unavailable&#8230;</p><p>Maybe anger in the home meant danger&#8230;</p><p>Maybe you learned early on that being &#8220;easy&#8221; or &#8220;useful&#8221; kept the peace.</p><p>So you adapted. You became the helper. The good one. The fixer.</p><p>And you got praised for it.</p><p>But inside, your Inner Child never got to speak.</p><p>Never got to cry, or say no, or fall apart.</p><p>So now, as an adult, that child still runs the show &#8212; quietly terrified that any boundary might lead to abandonment.</p><p>That&#8217;s why healing people pleasing isn&#8217;t just about &#8220;saying no.&#8221;</p><p>It&#8217;s about healing the part of you that learned love must be earned.</p><div><hr></div><h1><strong>&#128736;&#65039; What Helps</strong></h1><h3><strong>Start Noticing</strong></h3><p>Start by observing your own patterns. Where do you overgive? Where do you say yes reflexively? What feelings come up when you consider disappointing someone?</p><h3><strong>Use a Feelings Chart</strong></h3><p>People pleasers are often out of touch with their emotional vocabulary. Naming your feelings (even simple ones) helps you tune in instead of tuning out.</p><h3><strong>Create Safe &#8216;No&#8217; Moments</strong></h3><p>Try saying no in low-stakes situations. Practice tolerating the discomfort. Your body might panic at first &#8212; but with time, it calms.</p><h3><strong>Talk to Your Inner Child</strong></h3><p>This is core. Begin a dialogue with the younger part of you that&#8217;s still trying to earn love. Let them know:</p><blockquote><h2><em>&#8220;You don&#8217;t have to perform to be loved anymore. I&#8217;m here now. I choose you.&#8221;</em></h2></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Journal Prompt:</strong></h3><blockquote><p><em>Where in your life are you still trying to earn love or safety by being useful, easy, or agreeable?</em></p><p><em>What does that part of you really need instead?</em></p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If this speaks to something in you &#8212; if you&#8217;re ready to break free from old patterns and finally put yourself on your own list &#8212; I&#8217;d love to invite you into the <strong>VIP section of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>.</p><p>Inside, you&#8217;ll get tools that speak directly to this kind of emotional healing:</p><h4>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; A guided journey to hear, soothe, and reparent the part of you that feels unworthy unless you&#8217;re giving.</h4><h4>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Grounding tools to help you stay connected to yourself &#8212; even in the presence of others&#8217; needs.</h4><h4>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Understand your emotional wiring, especially if you&#8217;re sensitive, intuitive, and easily dysregulated.</h4><h4>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s story of learning to stop chasing external approval and start living from internal alignment.</h4><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Join VIP here &#8211; Try it free for 30 days</a></h2><p>No pressure. No performance. Just support.</p><div><hr></div><p>You don&#8217;t have to earn love.</p><p>You don&#8217;t have to disappear to stay safe.</p><p>You don&#8217;t have to say yes when your heart says no.</p><p>You matter. Your needs matter. Your feelings matter.</p><p>And it&#8217;s safe to start acting like it.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, 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data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1032,&quot;width&quot;:1024,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:145343,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/i/161352547?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test Ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test Ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[They’re Still Unhappy… Even After Everything You’ve Given?]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/improve-your-relationship-now-with</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/improve-your-relationship-now-with</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 28 May 2025 19:00:25 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Why You&#8217;re Giving So Much&#8230; and They Still Don&#8217;t Feel It</strong></p><p>Do you ever find yourself doing something for your partner &#8212; being thoughtful, generous, loving &#8212; and yet&#8230; they still seem upset, distant, or unhappy?</p><p>You show up.</p><p>You plan time together.</p><p>You listen. You give. You try.</p><p>And still &#8212; it&#8217;s not landing.</p><p>Arguments happen. Tension builds. And somewhere inside, you think:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;What else can I possibly do? I&#8217;m giving so much already.&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>It&#8217;s frustrating. Confusing. And it hurts.</p><p>Let&#8217;s take a breath and unpack what&#8217;s going on underneath.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; The Secret of Love Languages</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s a truth I return to often in my work with couples:</p><blockquote><p><strong>The way you feel loved&#8230; might not be the way your partner feels loved.</strong></p></blockquote><p>This is the core of the <em>Love Languages</em> framework &#8212; something I use all the time in sessions, especially when we&#8217;re working on healing not just the relationship between two people, but the relationship between you and your <strong>Inner Child</strong>.</p><p>Because when we feel misunderstood, unappreciated, or unseen in love, it&#8217;s not just the adult who reacts &#8212; it&#8217;s the child in us who once felt the same way.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#10084;&#65039; The 5 Love Languages</strong></h3><p>(from Dr. Gary Chapman&#8217;s book)</p><ol><li><p><strong>Words of Affirmation</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>Acts of Service</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>Receiving Gifts</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>Quality Time</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>Physical Touch</strong></p></li></ol><p>Every person has a primary and secondary Love Language. And while all of them matter, we each tend to <strong>feel most loved</strong> in just one or two of these ways.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129513; The Miscommunication Trap</strong></h3><p>Let&#8217;s say your Love Language is <strong>Quality Time</strong>.</p><p>To you, sitting on the couch together, sharing a meal, going on a walk &#8212; <em>that&#8217;s love.</em></p><p>But your partner&#8217;s Love Language might be <strong>Acts of Service</strong>.</p><p>To them, love is when the dishwasher is unloaded, the laundry folded, the coffee made without being asked.</p><p>You might spend three nights in a row together&#8230; and they still feel unloved.</p><p>You&#8217;re speaking French. They&#8217;re listening in Spanish.</p><p>Neither of you is <em>wrong</em> &#8212; you&#8217;re just speaking different emotional dialects.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128165; Conflict = Opportunity</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s what I&#8217;ve seen in many couples:</p><ul><li><p>One partner feels like they&#8217;re giving endlessly</p></li><li><p>The other feels like they&#8217;re starving for something simple</p></li><li><p>Both feel misunderstood</p></li><li><p>The Inner Child in each is activated: <em>&#8220;I&#8217;m giving everything I have and it&#8217;s not enough.&#8221;</em></p></li></ul><p>This is where awareness changes everything.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129504; Try This:</strong></h3><ol><li><p><strong>Take the free Love Languages quiz</strong> at <a href="https://www.lovelanguages.com">LoveLanguages.com</a>.</p><p>Even if you&#8217;ve done it before, do it again &#8212; you may be surprised how it shifts.</p></li><li><p><strong>Ask your partner to do the same</strong>. Share your results. Compare.</p></li><li><p><strong>Make a deposit</strong> into their Love Language account this week.</p><p>(Not yours. <em>Theirs.</em> Even if it feels awkward.)</p></li></ol><p>If they love <em>words of affirmation</em>, send a kind, heartfelt text.</p><p>If they love <em>gifts</em>, bring home a small surprise.</p><p>If they love <em>touch</em>, hold them for 30 seconds longer than usual.</p><p>If they love <em>quality time</em>, put your phone down and <em>really</em> be there.</p><p>If they love <em>acts of service</em>, do something thoughtful <em>without being asked.</em></p><p>These deposits matter. They change the emotional bank balance of the relationship.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#9888;&#65039; Bonus Insight: Negative Quality Time</strong></h3><p>Be careful not to fall into the trap of &#8220;we&#8217;re spending time together&#8230; but it&#8217;s mostly fighting.&#8221;</p><p>Negative quality time can feel worse than none at all.</p><p>When emotional needs go unmet, people will even seek <em>negative</em> attention &#8212; because it&#8217;s still connection, even if it&#8217;s painful.</p><p>Let that be a wake-up call, not a warning.</p><p>It means the relationship is asking for healing &#8212; not because it&#8217;s broken, but because it&#8217;s alive.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Final Thought</strong></h3><p>Love Languages give you a map.</p><p>But you still have to make the trip.</p><p>The real work?</p><p>Learning how your <strong>Inner Child</strong> receives love &#8212; and how you&#8217;ve carried that into every adult relationship.</p><p>When you know what you need &#8212; and how to speak what your partner needs &#8212; you move from confusion and hurt&#8230; to clarity and connection.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If this hit home, you&#8217;re not alone.</p><p>And you don&#8217;t have to figure it all out by yourself.</p><p>Inside the <strong>VIP section of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>, we go deep into the emotional mechanics of love, healing, and self-worth:</p><h4>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; Learn how to speak to your Inner Child during conflict, instead of lashing out or shutting down.</h4><h4>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Emotional hygiene tools that keep you grounded when your relationship starts to shake.</h4><h4>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Understand how your brain&#8217;s wiring impacts emotional regulation, communication, and love.</h4><h4>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s memoir about heartbreak, healing, and learning to trust again.</h4><h4>&#127873; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible</strong> &#8211; 70+ plug-and-play scripts to help with clarity, communication, and self-leadership.</h4><h2>&#128073; <a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Start your 30-day VIP trial here</a></h2><p>Your relationships shift when <em>you</em> shift.</p><p>And it starts with learning the language of love &#8212; inside and out.</p><p>Talk soon,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-Ride VIP Free For 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-Ride VIP Free For 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[I Feel Triggered, Now What? ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/i-feel-triggered-now-what</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/i-feel-triggered-now-what</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 27 May 2025 19:00:45 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>The Feelings Are Not the Problem &#8212; They&#8217;re the Invitation</em></p><p>So many of us get triggered and think,</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;Ugh, here we go again. What&#8217;s wrong with me?&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>But let me offer a reframe:</p><p>It&#8217;s great that you&#8217;re triggered.</p><p>Because what&#8217;s happening isn&#8217;t random. It&#8217;s precise. Personal. Sacred.</p><p>That person, situation, or conversation?</p><p>It didn&#8217;t just &#8220;happen.&#8221;</p><p>It was sent.</p><p>Attracted into your life by <em>you</em> &#8212; and more specifically, by your <strong>Inner Child</strong>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129522; The Gift Inside the Trigger</strong></h3><p>When you&#8217;re triggered, you&#8217;re not broken.</p><p>You&#8217;re being given a moment of <em>contact</em>.</p><ul><li><p>Contact with old emotions</p></li><li><p>Contact with past experiences</p></li><li><p>Contact with unmet needs still echoing inside you</p></li></ul><p>The trigger <em>arouses</em> something &#8212; sadness, fear, anger, panic, insecurity &#8212; and if you&#8217;re paying attention, you&#8217;ll realize&#8230;</p><blockquote><p><em>You&#8217;ve felt this exact cocktail of emotions before.</em></p></blockquote><p>It&#8217;s familiar.</p><p>It goes back.</p><p>Way back.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Why This Is the Whole Point</strong></h3><p>The point isn&#8217;t to avoid being triggered.</p><p>The point is to <em>notice what it brings up</em> &#8212; and use that moment to make contact with your Inner Child.</p><p>Because that triggered emotion?</p><p>It&#8217;s <strong>her</strong>.</p><p>Trying to talk to you.</p><p>Your job isn&#8217;t to fix her or silence her.</p><p>It&#8217;s to <strong>listen</strong>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128066; How to Actually Listen</strong></h3><p>You listen by <strong>naming the feelings</strong>.</p><p>That&#8217;s it.</p><p>Not analyzing. Not judging. Not intellectualizing.</p><p>Just pausing and asking:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;What am I feeling right now?&#8221;</em></p><p><em>&#8220;Where do I feel this in my body?&#8221;</em></p><p><em>&#8220;When was the first time I felt something like this?&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>You can use a <strong>feelings chart</strong> if you&#8217;re not sure. Most adults have underdeveloped emotional vocabularies. That&#8217;s not a flaw &#8212; it&#8217;s just unpracticed.</p><p>But naming feelings is <strong>medicine</strong>.</p><p>Because when you take 10 seconds to pause, notice, and name your feelings, you&#8217;re doing something profound:</p><p>You&#8217;re telling your Inner Child:</p><blockquote><p><em>&#8220;You matter. You&#8217;re worth my time. I hear you.&#8221;</em></p></blockquote><p>That&#8217;s the opposite of what she grew up believing.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128736; Why This Heals</strong></h3><p>The world taught you, directly or indirectly:</p><ul><li><p>You don&#8217;t count</p></li><li><p>You&#8217;re not important</p></li><li><p>You&#8217;re only lovable if you please others</p></li></ul><p>But every time you face your emotions instead of avoiding them, you undo a little of that damage.</p><p>You build <strong>self-worth</strong> by showing up for yourself.</p><p>Not perfectly. Not dramatically. Just consistently.</p><p>Because your Inner Child speaks one language: <strong>feeling</strong>.</p><p>And when you&#8217;re triggered, those are the very feelings she&#8217;s speaking <em>through you</em>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#129485;&#8205;&#9794;&#65039; You Are Two</strong></h3><p>You&#8217;re not just a child anymore.</p><p>You&#8217;re an Adult too. And that matters.</p><p>When you were little, you <em>were</em> your Inner Child.</p><p>You didn&#8217;t have an adult part to comfort or explain.</p><p>But now?</p><p>Now you have a <strong>massive advantage</strong>.</p><p>Now you can do something different.</p><p>Now you can:</p><ul><li><p>Hear</p></li><li><p>Witness</p></li><li><p>Name</p></li><li><p>Validate</p></li><li><p>Offer care</p></li></ul><p>You are two.</p><p>And that means <strong>you can heal</strong>.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128103; Visualize This:</strong></h3><p>Picture your Inner Child &#8212; 7 years old &#8212; by your side, 24/7.</p><ul><li><p>She&#8217;s scared sometimes.</p></li><li><p>She&#8217;s joyful sometimes.</p></li><li><p>She wants to be heard.</p></li><li><p>She wants to feel safe.</p></li></ul><p>Talk to her.</p><p>Sit next to her.</p><p>Build a relationship.</p><p>Let her feel what she never got:</p><blockquote><p>To be heard. To be accepted. To be loved <em>without needing to earn it</em>.</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Reflection Prompt:</strong></h3><blockquote><p><strong>Think back to your last trigger. What did you feel in your body? What emotions came up? Where have you felt those before? What might your Inner Child be trying to tell you through those feelings?</strong></p></blockquote><p>Write it down. No judgment. Just listen.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If this resonated, I created a space specifically for this kind of work &#8212; where emotional healing meets self-leadership, and Inner Child work is not a buzzword but a <em>daily practice</em>.</p><h2>Inside the <strong>VIP section of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>, you&#8217;ll find:</h2><h3>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; My complete, step-by-step process to work with emotional triggers and build a relationship with your Inner Child.</h3><h3>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; A grounding ritual that helps you <em>tune in and show up</em> for yourself &#8212; even when you feel overwhelmed.</h3><h3>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s raw memoir about finding strength through heartbreak and exile &#8212; it&#8217;ll help you feel seen.</h3><h3>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Discover the hidden strengths and misunderstood patterns behind your wiring &#8212; and learn how to stop pathologizing your sensitivity.</h3><h3>&#128736;&#65039; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible + Monster Method</strong> &#8211; Tools to rewire your mind, your work, and your patterns &#8212; with structure and soul.</h3><p>&#128101; Plus community insights, emotional scripts, and grounded strategies for healing attachment, self-trust, and self-worth.</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Join VIP here &#8211; 30-day free trial</a></h2><p>No commitment. Just the tools to support the work you&#8217;re already doing &#8212; and a reminder that you never have to do it alone.</p><div><hr></div><p>The next time you feel triggered&#8230;</p><p>Don&#8217;t rush to &#8220;calm down.&#8221;</p><p>Don&#8217;t rush to fix.</p><p>Just stop.</p><p>Name.</p><p>Listen.</p><p>That&#8217;s how your healing begins.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" 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stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Inner Child Healing Exercise: Three Good Things ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/inner-child-healing-exercise-three</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/inner-child-healing-exercise-three</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2025 19:00:47 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h2>Making shifts and changes in our life can begin with simple steps. </h2><p>Even small changes in our daily life can have profound effects. They build up like a rolling snowball.</p><p>This small Inner Child healing exercise is an easy way to take advantage of that fact. </p><p>With just a few moments in your day&#8230;</p><p>You can shift your focus to what's good and working, and away from what's bad and not going right.</p><h3>Ready? </h3><h2>Here's the exercise: </h2><h1>Write down three good things that happened to you today.</h1><p>Yep, that's it. That's the whole Inner Child healing exercise! The &#8220;good things&#8221; can be very small events.</p><p>Like feeling the warm sunshine on your face, calling a friend, or just watching a favorite TV show.</p><p>But here's the challenge and crucial secret ingredient: keep it up for 2 weeks (14 days) and see the impact it has. </p><p>Type your answers each day, or write in a journal.</p><h3>One good thing that happened today . . .</h3><h3>A second good thing that happened today . . .</h3><h3>A third good thing that happened today . . .</h3><h3>A fourth&#8230;</h3><h3>And a fifth&#8230;</h3><p>Don&#8217;t overthink it. Don&#8217;t judge what&#8217;s &#8220;worthy&#8221; of writing down. Just notice.</p><p>This exercise isn&#8217;t about pretending everything is perfect. It&#8217;s about teaching the part of you that always looks for danger&#8230; to start looking for beauty.</p><p>It&#8217;s simple. But over time, it rewires how you relate to yourself, your day, and your life.</p><p>By the end of two weeks, you&#8217;ll likely notice:</p><ul><li><p>A subtle lift in your mood</p></li><li><p>A clearer sense of what <em>nurtures</em> you</p></li><li><p>A growing trust in your ability to feel joy, even in small ways</p></li></ul><p>That&#8217;s Inner Child healing in its purest form: <em>Consistently showing up for yourself with gentleness.</em></p><p>No breakthroughs needed. Just presence.</p><p>If it feels silly at first&#8212;good. That means your adult brain is noticing how long it&#8217;s ignored your softer parts.</p><p>And if you miss a day? No guilt. Just return. This is practice, not punishment.</p><p>Keep going. You&#8217;re already doing it.</p><p>With warmth,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, 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data-attrs="{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1032,&quot;width&quot;:1024,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:null,&quot;bytes&quot;:145343,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image/jpeg&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/i/161352547?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[A Lesson on Validation, Trust, and Inner Knowing]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/a-lesson-on-validation-trust-and</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/a-lesson-on-validation-trust-and</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 25 May 2025 19:00:28 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><p>A client of mine &#8212; someone I&#8217;ve been working with for a while now &#8212; asked to share something with me at the very end of our session.</p><p>She wanted to tell me about something she had said to her son. </p><p>Something she was proud of. </p><p>Something she wanted me to validate.</p><h1>And I&#8230; <strong>refused.</strong> &#128561;</h1><p>But not from a place of coldness or dismissal.</p><p>From love.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128526; Here&#8217;s What I Said to Her:</strong></h3><blockquote><h3><em>&#8220;I think what you&#8217;re really asking for here isn&#8217;t my opinion on what you said. I think you already know it was good. You&#8217;re asking me to validate you. And I get that. But I want to offer you something stronger than my opinion: </em></h3><h1><em><strong>your own trust in yourself.</strong></em>&#8221;</h1></blockquote><p>Because the truth is&#8230;</p><p>This client has grown. A lot.</p><h2>She&#8217;s learned to regulate her emotions, communicate clearly, and parent from a place of awareness and love.</h2><p>She didn&#8217;t need my stamp of approval.</p><p>She needed a mirror to reflect what she already knew.</p><p>So I told her:</p><blockquote><h3><em>&#8220;What you said to your son &#8212; I trust it. I trust you. I&#8217;ve seen you step into your wisdom more and more each session. And I know you know, deep down, that what you did was kind, loving, and right. You already know that. And you don&#8217;t need me to tell you who you are.&#8221;</em></h3></blockquote><p>She smiled.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>And we ended the session there &#8212; both of us feeling lighter.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#129300; Here&#8217;s the Real Question:</strong></h2><h3><strong>When was the last time you already knew something was right&#8230; but still asked someone to validate it for you?</strong></h3><ul><li><p>A boundary you set</p></li><li><p>A message you wrote</p></li><li><p>A decision you made</p></li><li><p>A truth you finally said out loud</p></li></ul><p>We all do it sometimes.</p><p>It&#8217;s human.</p><p>But part of the healing journey &#8212; the <em>growing up</em> that happens inside &#8212; is learning to recognize when you&#8217;re seeking <strong>external permission for an internal truth.</strong></p><p>And then choosing not to reach out for reassurance&#8230; but to <strong>turn inward and listen to your own voice.</strong></p><p>That&#8217;s real power.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#127793; Try This Practice:</strong></h3><p>Next time you feel that tug &#8212; that itch to ask someone, <em>&#8220;Do you think I handled that okay?&#8221;</em> &#8212; pause and ask yourself:</p><blockquote><p>&#10067; &#8220;If I weren&#8217;t afraid of being wrong or judged&#8230; what would I already know about this?&#8221;</p><p>&#10067; &#8220;What part of me is asking for validation &#8212; the adult or the child?&#8221;</p><p>&#10067; &#8220;Can I offer myself the validation I&#8217;m seeking right now?&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>If you can do that, even once this week&#8230;</p><p>You&#8217;ve taken a massive step toward becoming your own source of safety and truth.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128172; Journal Prompt:</strong></h3><blockquote><p><em>What&#8217;s something you asked others to validate recently&#8230; that you already knew, deep down, was good or right?</em></p><p>How did it feel before asking?</p><p>And how would it feel to validate yourself instead next time?</p></blockquote><div><hr></div><h3><strong>&#128274; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re working on this stuff &#8212; becoming the adult you always needed, building trust in your voice, and learning how to regulate and reparent &#8212; I&#8217;ve created a private VIP space just for this kind of work.</p><p>Inside <strong>Permission to Be Powerful: VIP</strong>, you&#8217;ll get tools, practices, and reflections that meet you exactly where you are:</p><h3>&#129496;&#8205;&#9794;&#65039; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Gentle, grounding tools to steady yourself on hard days.</h3><h3>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; My full workbook to rewire your reactions and heal your relationship with your Inner Child.</h3><h3>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (Advanced Copy)</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s raw, poetic memoir about finding power in the dark.</h3><h3>&#128736; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Understand your unique wiring and stop making yourself wrong for it.</h3><h3>&#127919; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible</strong> &#8211; 70+ prompts to run your business, brand, and mindset with clarity and alignment.</h3><h3>&#128081; And more &#8212; including deep-dive reports on relationships, power, purpose, and what it means to lead yourself first.</h3><p>This isn&#8217;t just more content.</p><p>It&#8217;s the operating system behind lasting transformation.</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; Join VIP here &#8211; 30-day free trial</a></h2><p>No pressure. No expectation. Just the tools that help you come home to yourself.</p><p>You already know more than you think.</p><p>You already <em>are</em> more than you give yourself credit for.</p><p>The work is remembering that.</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Test-ride VIP FREE for 30 Days.&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Test-ride VIP FREE for 30 Days.</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[What Is the Inner Child, Where Is It Located, and How Do I Talk to It? ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/what-is-the-inner-child-where-is</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/what-is-the-inner-child-where-is</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 23 May 2025 19:00:21 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>If you&#8217;ve ever overreacted, felt abandoned too quickly, or found yourself frozen, ashamed, or desperate for connection&#8230; chances are, you weren&#8217;t hearing your adult self.</p><h2>You were hearing your <strong>Inner Child</strong>.</h2><p>In this video, I want to walk you through three questions I hear all the time:</p><ol><li><p>What is the Inner Child?</p></li><li><p>Where is it located?</p></li><li><p>And how do I actually talk to it?</p></li></ol><p>If you stick with me to the end, you&#8217;ll walk away with clarity &#8212; and your first steps toward real healing.</p><div><hr></div><h1><strong>&#128269; So&#8230; What Is the Inner Child?</strong></h1><p>Let&#8217;s start simple:</p><p>Your adult self &#8212; the &#8220;you&#8221; watching this &#8212; isn&#8217;t the only one driving the car.</p><p>Inside you lives a younger part. A child part.</p><p>We call it the <strong>Inner Child</strong> because it holds the emotional experience of your earliest years:</p><ul><li><p>Your unmet needs</p></li><li><p>Your fears</p></li><li><p>Your longings</p></li><li><p>Your joys</p></li><li><p>Your protective defenses</p></li></ul><p>It&#8217;s not a metaphor. It&#8217;s a <strong>real emotional part of you</strong> &#8212; a neural and energetic blueprint that formed when you were small and vulnerable. It still shows up today&#8230; usually during conflict, emotional overwhelm, or moments of fear and rejection.</p><p>So when you freeze up in an argument&#8230;</p><p>Or spiral because someone didn&#8217;t text back&#8230;</p><p>Or feel a deep panic that seems bigger than the moment&#8230;</p><p>That&#8217;s your Inner Child talking.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#129517; Where Is the Inner Child Located?</strong></h2><p>Short answer? <strong>Inside your nervous system.</strong></p><p>It lives in your <strong>limbic brain</strong>, your <strong>body</strong>, your <strong>emotional memory</strong>, and often&#8230; in silence.</p><p>This part of you was formed when you were too young to speak or reason. So it doesn&#8217;t communicate in thoughts or logic. It speaks in <strong>sensation</strong> and <strong>feeling</strong>:</p><ul><li><p>Tight chest</p></li><li><p>Sudden shame</p></li><li><p>Tears out of nowhere</p></li><li><p>Feeling &#8220;too much&#8221; or &#8220;not enough&#8221;</p></li><li><p>Panic without reason</p></li></ul><p>It lives in your reactions &#8212; not your stories.</p><p>That&#8217;s why trying to &#8220;think your way out&#8221; of triggers rarely works.</p><p>You&#8217;re not speaking the same language.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#128172; How Do I Talk to My Inner Child?</strong></h2><p>This part&#8217;s big &#8212; and powerful.</p><p>To talk to your Inner Child, you must become the <strong>adult you needed back then</strong>.</p><p>That means:</p><ul><li><p>Slowing down when you feel triggered</p></li><li><p>Asking yourself: <em>&#8220;What age does this reaction feel like?&#8221;</em></p></li><li><p>Listening with compassion, not judgment</p></li><li><p>Naming the feelings (use a feelings chart!)</p></li><li><p>Saying things like:</p></li></ul><h2>&#9989; &#8220;I hear you.&#8221;</h2><h2>&#9989; &#8220;It&#8217;s okay to feel that.&#8221;</h2><h2>&#9989; &#8220;You&#8217;re not alone now. I&#8217;m here with you.&#8221;</h2><h2>&#9989; &#8220;You&#8217;re safe.&#8221;</h2><p>That&#8217;s how you start the conversation.</p><p>Not with big lectures.</p><p>Not with self-help mantras.</p><p>But with presence, honesty, and softness.</p><p>You become the <strong>parent</strong> to the part of you that didn&#8217;t get the parenting it needed.</p><p>And slowly&#8230; it begins to trust you.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#127744; Why This Matters</strong></h2><p>If you don&#8217;t know your Inner Child, it&#8217;ll run your life without your permission.</p><p>Most adults? They&#8217;re still children in grown-up bodies.</p><p>Chasing approval. Reacting to rejection. Fearing abandonment.</p><p>Making decisions from a place of pain instead of power.</p><p>But when you learn to hear this part of yourself&#8230;</p><p>When you reparent with patience and clarity&#8230;</p><p>Everything changes:</p><ul><li><p>Triggers become teachers</p></li><li><p>Emotional spirals become maps</p></li><li><p>Relationships get clearer &#8212; because you no longer abandon yourself to keep others close</p></li></ul><p>This is the beginning of inner safety.</p><p>And safety, not self-control, is what heals.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>&#127873; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h2><p>If this resonated, I&#8217;d love to invite you into the <strong>VIP section of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>. Inside, we go further into this work &#8212; not just <em>understanding</em> the Inner Child, but building a real, day-by-day relationship with it.</p><p>Here&#8217;s what&#8217;s inside:</p><h3>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong> &#8211; My complete guide to healing emotional reactions through Inner Child work.</h3><h3>&#129496; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong> &#8211; Grounding tools for staying calm and connected, even when the past gets loud.</h3><h3>&#129504; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong> &#8211; Why your brain reacts the way it does &#8212; and how to stop blaming yourself for it.</h3><h3>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE</strong> &#8211; Anton&#8217;s raw memoir about self-worth, exile, and finding power in the dark.</h3><h3>&#128736;&#65039; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible + Monster Method</strong> &#8211; Business, productivity, and healing prompts that work <em>with</em> your brain, not against it.</h3><p>And more. Much more.</p><p>This isn&#8217;t just bonus content.</p><p>It&#8217;s a safe space for the <em>real work</em>.</p><h2>&#128073; <a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Join VIP here &#8211; Try it free for 30 days.</a></h2><h2>No pressure. Just permission.</h2><div><hr></div><h1><strong>&#128330; Final Thought</strong></h1><p>Your Inner Child doesn&#8217;t need you to be perfect.</p><p>Just present.</p><p>When you begin to show up&#8230;</p><p>Everything starts to heal.</p><p>You&#8217;re not broken.</p><p>You&#8217;re becoming whole.</p><p>Talk soon,</p><h2>&#8212;Zalman, LCSW </h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 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stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Try VIP Free For 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Try VIP Free For 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Groaning Is The Beginning ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/groaning-is-the-beginning</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/groaning-is-the-beginning</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 22 May 2025 19:01:05 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h2>Take a breath.</h2><p>Now take a moment to pause&#8212;not to fix anything, not to figure anything out&#8212;but just to reflect.</p><p>Look at your life.</p><p>Where you are.</p><p>Where you&#8217;ve been.</p><p>What you&#8217;ve carried.</p><h2>There&#8217;s not a soul alive who doesn&#8217;t zero in on what they wish were different.</h2><p>Better health.</p><p>More ease.</p><p>More love.</p><p>More clarity.</p><p>Less stress.</p><p>Fewer regrets.</p><p>We all zoom in on what feels off, incomplete, behind.</p><p>Try it now.</p><h2>Close your eyes for a moment and think about the one thing you know better than anything else in this world: <strong>yourself</strong>.</h2><p>What comes up first?</p><p>Is it what you love about how you look in the mirror?</p><p>The richness of your friendships?</p><p>The pride you feel in your accomplishments?</p><p>Or is it something else?</p><p>Maybe what flashes across your mind are the things you wish were different.</p><p>The changes you haven&#8217;t made yet.</p><p>The words you didn&#8217;t say.</p><p>The cycles you haven&#8217;t broken.</p><p>And here&#8217;s the hard question&#8212;<em>if you want it so badly&#8230;</em></p><p><strong>Why hasn&#8217;t it changed yet?</strong></p><p>Why haven&#8217;t you started that morning routine you daydream about?</p><p>Why haven&#8217;t you reached out to that person you miss?</p><p>Why haven&#8217;t you finally faced that one thing that keeps showing up in different clothes?</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>The Tug of War</strong></h2><p>Here&#8217;s the truth that hurts&#8212;and heals:</p><p>You&#8217;re in a tug of war.</p><p>On one end, there&#8217;s your <strong>will to change</strong>&#8212;to evolve, to grow, to break patterns and reclaim your life.</p><p>On the other end?</p><p>The part of you that clings to the familiar.</p><p>That wants to stay safe.</p><p>That fears failure.</p><p>That whispers, &#8220;Don&#8217;t try again, you&#8217;ll only disappoint yourself.&#8221;</p><p>And here&#8217;s the kicker:</p><p><strong>That second voice?</strong></p><p>It usually wins.</p><p>Not because you&#8217;re weak.</p><p>But because it&#8217;s <em>old</em>.</p><p>It&#8217;s <em>wired in</em>.</p><p>It&#8217;s a voice that formed when you were just trying to survive childhood&#8212;avoiding pain, rejection, punishment, or invisibility.</p><p>It learned to play small because that&#8217;s what kept you safe.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>Groaning Is the Beginning</strong></h2><p>So what does it take to finally shift the momentum?</p><p><strong>Groaning.</strong></p><p>Not literal groaning (though sometimes that helps)&#8230;</p><p>But the kind of deep soul-exhale that happens when you hit that <em>I&#8217;m done</em> point.</p><p>The moment where your heart says:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;I can&#8217;t keep doing this to myself.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>It&#8217;s the bottom where something ancient in you rises.</p><p>Something tired of your own self-abandonment.</p><p>Something sacred.</p><p>In that groan is a spark.</p><p>A whisper.</p><p>A flicker of your <strong>Adult Self</strong>&#8212;the part of you that sees the pattern, sees the pain, and still chooses to move forward.</p><p>Even with fear.</p><p>Even with baggage.</p><p>Even with uncertainty.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>The Voice That Knows</strong></h2><p>That voice is small at first.</p><p>But it gets louder with practice.</p><p>Like a muscle, your trust in that voice grows every time you listen to it.</p><p>Every time you override the old scripts.</p><p>Every time you choose something different.</p><p>That might look like:</p><ul><li><p>Saying <em>no</em> when you used to say <em>yes</em> just to be liked.</p></li><li><p>Waking up when you said you would, even if you only get one thing done.</p></li><li><p>Sitting with the urge to self-sabotage and <em>not</em> giving in.</p></li><li><p>Speaking to yourself like someone you actually care about.</p></li></ul><p>The smallest act of <strong>integrity with yourself</strong>&#8212;even one sentence, one moment&#8212;<em>strengthens the new neural path</em>.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>What Now?</strong></h2><p>So&#8230;what is your inner voice groaning for?</p><p>What does it want you to hear?</p><p>What&#8217;s one small step&#8212;tiny, manageable, loving&#8212;that you could take today to support it?</p><p>Start there.</p><p>Because <strong>you don&#8217;t need a massive plan right now.</strong></p><p>You need a signal to your own heart that says: <em>I hear you. I&#8217;m showing up.</em></p><p>And if you want help doing that&#8212;real help, not fluff&#8212;come inside the VIP tier of <em>Permission to Be Powerful.</em></p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>VIP Is for People Who Are Done Performing Change and Ready to Live It</strong></h2><p>Inside VIP, we go deeper than surface goals.</p><p>We go into your <strong>patterns</strong>, your <strong>triggers</strong>, your <strong>inner child</strong>, your <strong>adult self</strong>, and the exact tools that can help you shift the tug of war.</p><p>Here&#8217;s what you&#8217;ll find:</p><p>&#129504; <strong>The Life Pattern Decoder</strong> &#8211; Understand the lifelong pattern that&#8217;s been running the show</p><p>&#128165; <strong>The Trigger Workbook</strong> &#8211; Turn emotional reactivity into a healing moment</p><p>&#128736;&#65039; <strong>Thought Filters &amp; Scripts</strong> &#8211; Train your mind to reject false beliefs in real-time</p><p>&#128293; <strong>Zalman&#8217;s Inner Child &amp; Adult Self Map</strong> &#8211; Rebuild trust with the parts of you that got stuck</p><p>&#127919; <strong>The ADHD X-Factor</strong>, <strong>AI Prompt Bible</strong>, and <strong>Trillion Dollar Swipe File</strong> &#8211; Because growth happens in both your heart <em>and</em> your hustle</p><p>And right now, you can try it all <strong>free for 30 days.</strong></p><p>No pressure. No weird upsells.</p><p>Just <strong>real tools</strong>, <strong>real structure</strong>, and a place to finally feel met in your transformation.</p><h2>&#128073; [<strong><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Join VIP now &#8212; Free for 30 Days</a></strong>]</h2><p>Because maybe groaning isn&#8217;t the end.</p><p>Maybe it&#8217;s the sound your soul makes right before it finally gets free.</p><p>See you inside,</p><h2>Zalman, LCSW</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" width="1024" height="1032" 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class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days.</h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Try VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Try VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[When You Start Respecting Yourself, Everything Changes ]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/when-you-start-respecting-yourself</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/when-you-start-respecting-yourself</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 21 May 2025 19:00:38 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h2>I want to share something I see happening in you.</h2><p>You&#8217;re not just thinking differently.</p><p>You&#8217;re feeling differently.</p><p>You&#8217;re talking to yourself in a new voice &#8212; softer, clearer, more honest.</p><p>And from that shift&#8230; comes another.</p><p>You&#8217;re noticing things.</p><p>Who shows up.</p><h2>Who only calls when they need something.</h2><p>Who listens.</p><p>Who doesn&#8217;t.</p><p>You&#8217;re starting to see, without trying to &#8212; just by standing in your truth &#8212; that some people were only ever in your life as long as you stayed small, over-gave, or didn&#8217;t speak up.</p><p>And now that&#8217;s changing.</p><div><hr></div><p>At first, that can feel lonely.</p><p>You see your friend circle shrink.</p><p>Some people fade out.</p><p>Others stop texting.</p><p>Or the conversations just&#8230; drop off.</p><p>But that&#8217;s not a sign you&#8217;re doing something wrong.</p><h2>It&#8217;s a sign that your <strong>internal filter is finally working</strong>.</h2><p>Because the old version of you may have said:</p><blockquote><p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t want to lose them.&#8221;</p><p>But the new version of you says:</p><p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t want to lose myself.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>That&#8217;s the shift.</p><div><hr></div><p>Yes &#8212; it can feel like you&#8217;re walking through the woods alone for a while.</p><p>But what happens next is what matters most:</p><p>You start choosing better.</p><p>Not out of fear, not out of lack &#8212;</p><p>But from <em>respect</em>.</p><p>Respect for your time.</p><p>Respect for your heart.</p><p>Respect for your inner child who waited so long to be seen.</p><p>You start investing more in the people who meet you there &#8212; the ones who actually see you.</p><p>You water those roots.</p><h1>And a new circle begins to grow.</h1><div><hr></div><p>So if you&#8217;re feeling that shrinking, that space opening up?</p><p>Let it open.</p><p>It&#8217;s not emptiness.</p><p>It&#8217;s preparation.</p><p>Keep coming home to yourself.</p><p>Keep listening to the child inside.</p><p>He knows what safe feels like now.</p><p>And in time &#8212; the people who belong will rise to meet you there.</p><h1><strong>&#127807; Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h1><p>If this resonated, you&#8217;re not alone.</p><p>And you don&#8217;t have to walk this road alone, either.</p><h3>Inside the <strong>VIP section of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>, we go further into this kind of healing:</h3><h3><strong>&#129496;&#8205;&#9794;&#65039; Want to Keep Doing the Work?</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re starting to listen to yourself more&#8230;</p><p>If you&#8217;re finding the courage to step away from what no longer serves you&#8230;</p><p>And if you&#8217;re learning to build a life that feels more <em>you</em>&#8230;</p><h2>Then I&#8217;d love to invite you into the <strong>VIP area of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>.</h2><p>This is where the deeper work lives &#8212; tools, reflections, and practices to support the version of you that&#8217;s coming online.</p><h2>Here&#8217;s what&#8217;s inside:</h2><div><hr></div><h3>&#129504; <strong>The Daily Practice</strong></h3><p>Stay grounded and present &#8212; even when life feels chaotic. Rituals and reminders that reconnect you to <em>you</em>.</p><h3>&#129516; <strong>The Trigger Method Workbook</strong></h3><p>My full emotional healing workbook &#8212; so you can turn triggers into a map back to safety, strength, and clarity.</p><h3>&#128293; <strong>HELL &amp; PARADISE (ARC)</strong></h3><p>Anton&#8217;s raw, lyrical memoir &#8212; the kind of writing that helps you see your own story differently.</p><h3>&#128218; <strong>The ADHD X Factor</strong></h3><p>Understand the <em>real</em> reason your brain works the way it does &#8212; and how to stop fighting it, and start using it.</p><h3>&#129520; <strong>The AI Prompt Bible + Cheat Code</strong></h3><p>Over 70 elite-level prompts and tools to make AI work for you &#8212; in your business, your focus, your emotions, and more.</p><h3>&#127919; <strong>The Monster Method</strong></h3><p>Tony Robbins&#8217; actual copy training &#8212; 8 lines or less to sell with heart, clarity, and power.</p><h3>&#128736;&#65039; <strong>The Trillion Dollar Swipe File + Next AI Forecast</strong></h3><p>Big-picture strategy meets practical insight. Business, persuasion, and AI, all decoded for the next 1&#8211;3 years.</p><p>But the real gift of VIP?</p><p>It&#8217;s a space where you&#8217;re <em>not performing</em>.</p><p>Where your growth gets resourced.</p><p>And where your inner child finally stops feeling alone.</p><div><hr></div><h2><strong>Try it free for 30 days.</strong></h2><p>No pressure. No catch.</p><p>Just a safe space to keep growing.</p><h3>&#128073; <a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Step into the VIP space here</a></h3><p>We&#8217;re not here to fix you.</p><p>We&#8217;re here to walk with you &#8212; while you remember your own strength.</p><h2>&#8212; Zalman, LCSW</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, 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srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image"><svg role="img" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 20 20" fill="none" stroke-width="1.5" stroke="var(--color-fg-primary)" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g><title></title><path d="M2.53001 7.81595C3.49179 4.73911 6.43281 2.5 9.91173 2.5C13.1684 2.5 15.9537 4.46214 17.0852 7.23684L17.6179 8.67647M17.6179 8.67647L18.5002 4.26471M17.6179 8.67647L13.6473 6.91176M17.4995 12.1841C16.5378 15.2609 13.5967 17.5 10.1178 17.5C6.86118 17.5 4.07589 15.5379 2.94432 12.7632L2.41165 11.3235M2.41165 11.3235L1.5293 15.7353M2.41165 11.3235L6.38224 13.0882"></path></g></svg></button><button tabindex="0" type="button" class="pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days. </h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Try VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Try VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[How to "Switch Off" Self-Defeating Thoughts]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/how-to-switch-off-self-defeating</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/how-to-switch-off-self-defeating</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Zalman Nelson]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 20 May 2025 19:00:46 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><h2>Let&#8217;s talk about the war inside your mind.</h2><p>Because the truth is, most people lose the battle <strong>before the day even starts</strong>&#8212;all because of one thing:</p><p>A single thought.</p><p>One inner whisper.</p><h2>A negative, self-defeating, old belief you&#8217;ve thought so many times it feels like truth.</h2><p>Something like:</p><blockquote><h3>&#8220;They don&#8217;t really like me.&#8221;</h3><h3>&#8220;I always mess things up.&#8221;</h3><h3>&#8220;I&#8217;m not good enough.&#8221;</h3><h3>&#8220;I&#8217;ll never get this right.&#8221;</h3><h3>&#8220;It&#8217;s probably my fault.&#8221;</h3></blockquote><h1>Sound familiar?</h1><p>Here&#8217;s the thing: <em>that thought is not you.</em></p><p>It&#8217;s a leftover belief.</p><p>A script you inherited, not one you authored.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>You Are Not Your Thoughts</strong></h3><p>This is the first truth to anchor:</p><h1><strong>You can think any thought you want.</strong></h1><p>You can literally choose your next thought&#8212;right now.</p><p>Try it.</p><p>Say to yourself: &#8220;I&#8217;m open to a new way of seeing this.&#8221;</p><p>Or: &#8220;I don&#8217;t have to believe that anymore.&#8221;</p><p>Or even: &#8220;I am learning to be on my side.&#8221;</p><p>Now notice: a shift.</p><p>That&#8217;s your <strong>Adult Self</strong> taking the wheel back from your Pattern.</p><p>You are not the scared kid who had to believe those thoughts to stay safe, small, or invisible.</p><p>You&#8217;re not stuck with the default setting.</p><p>You can override it.</p><p>And here&#8217;s how.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>The 4-Question Filter: Slay the Thought, Save the Self</strong></h3><p>Whenever a thought comes up&#8212;especially one that makes you feel small, ashamed, or hopeless&#8212;run it through this four-part check.</p><p>Ask:</p><h3><strong>Is it true?</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Not &#8220;does it feel true,&#8221; but is it <em>objectively</em> true? Can you <em>prove</em> it?</p></li></ul><p></p><h3><strong>Is it even possible to know if it&#8217;s true?</strong></h3><ul><li><p>So often, we believe stories we literally <em>can&#8217;t</em> verify. (&#8220;They think I&#8217;m annoying.&#8221; &#8220;I blew the whole meeting.&#8221;) But how could you even know that?</p></li></ul><h3><strong>How do I feel when I think this thought?</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Does it tighten your chest? Weigh you down? Send you back into old patterns?</p></li></ul><h3><strong>How would I feel if I didn&#8217;t think this thought?</strong></h3><ul><li><p>If you dropped it? Rejected it? Let it pass like a cloud? Would you feel lighter, more open, less stuck?</p></li></ul><p>That&#8217;s your answer.</p><p>That&#8217;s your compass.</p><p>If a thought makes you feel like garbage <em>and</em> it&#8217;s not verifiably true&#8230;</p><p>Why keep it?</p><p>You wouldn&#8217;t eat food you knew was poisoned.</p><p>Why keep chewing on toxic thoughts?</p><div><hr></div><h1><strong>Pattern vs. Adult Self</strong></h1><p>Here&#8217;s what&#8217;s really happening:</p><p>That negative thought?</p><p>It&#8217;s a <strong>Pattern</strong> speaking.</p><p>A survival belief that once kept your Inner Child emotionally afloat.</p><p>But now?</p><p>It&#8217;s just noise.</p><p>And <strong>you are allowed to reject it.</strong></p><p>This is the shift.</p><p>From being <em>at the mercy</em> of your mind&#8230;</p><p>To becoming the <em>author</em> of it.</p><div><hr></div><h1><strong>Want to Go Deeper?</strong></h1><p>If this resonated&#8212;if you felt something soften, or crack open&#8212;then you&#8217;re ready for what&#8217;s waiting inside the <strong>VIP tier of Permission to Be Powerful</strong>.</p><p>This is where we <strong>go beyond awareness</strong> and into real transformation.</p><p>Inside VIP, you&#8217;ll find:</p><p>&#128165; <strong>The Trigger Workbook</strong> &#8211; A complete emotional self-repair system to rewire old beliefs and build real emotional safety</p><p>&#129504; <strong>The Life Pattern Decoder</strong> &#8211; Understand your specific core pattern and how it hijacks your thinking, behavior, and relationships</p><p>&#128736;&#65039; <strong>Daily Mindset Tools</strong> &#8211; Journal prompts, voice scripts, and thought-swapping exercises to <em>rewire your mental default</em></p><p>&#128161; <strong>The Adult Self Blueprint</strong> &#8211; A roadmap for becoming your own inner guide instead of your inner critic</p><p>You&#8217;ll also get access to:</p><ul><li><p><em>The ADHD X-Factor</em></p></li><li><p><em>The Monster Method</em></p></li><li><p><em>The AI Prompt Bible</em></p></li><li><p>and private tools I don&#8217;t share anywhere else</p></li></ul><p>Best of all? You can try it <strong>free for 30 days.</strong></p><p>No risk. No pressure.</p><p>Just support. Structure. And a map that works.</p><h2><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">&#128073; [</a><strong><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Join VIP now &#8211; Free for 30 Days</a></strong><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">]</a></h2><p>Because you don&#8217;t need to fix yourself.</p><p>You just need to stand with yourself&#8212;especially when that old voice starts whispering lies.</p><p>And I&#8217;ll be here to help you do it.</p><p>With you,</p><h2>Zalman, LCSW</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img 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stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2 lucide-maximize-2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></button></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>Test-ride Your <em>Permission to be Powerful</em> VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days.</h2><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Try VIP Free for 30 Days&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95"><span>Try VIP Free for 30 Days</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Your Very Predictable Life Pattern]]></title><description><![CDATA[A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post]]></description><link>https://www.antonvolney.com/p/your-very-predictable-life-pattern</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.antonvolney.com/p/your-very-predictable-life-pattern</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Tony V.]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 19 May 2025 19:00:47 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>&#9997;&#65039; Editor&#8217;s Note:</strong></h3><p>Zalman is my therapist&#8212;and my secret weapon.</p><p>When I was unraveling, he didn&#8217;t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.</p><p>His insights show up everywhere in <em>Permission to Be Powerful</em>&#8212;because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.</p><p>This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You&#8217;ll be hearing more from him.</p><p>&#8212;Anton</p><div><hr></div><p>Dear <em>Permission to be Powerful </em>Reader,</p><p>Life Patterns are the deeply ingrained emotional themes that have followed you since childhood. They&#8217;re not flaws. Not defects. Not something you chose. You didn&#8217;t ask for them. You adapted to survive.</p><p>You picked up these patterns as a kid&#8212;absorbing the dynamics, messages, and emotional environment of your home. You made sense of the world in the only way you could. And that sense-making got locked in as your default setting.</p><p>Since then, those same patterns have repeated themselves&#8212;again and again. In relationships. In work. In your inner dialogue. In your triggers. Even now, as an adult, they quietly push you to <strong>recreate the same emotional atmosphere you grew up in</strong>&#8212;especially the painful parts.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Life Patterns Are Self-Destructive</strong></h3><p>Life Patterns don&#8217;t just affect how you feel. They affect what you <em>choose</em>.</p><p>They draw you toward the same kind of hurt.</p><p>They filter how you see yourself and others.</p><p>They infect your self-esteem, your confidence, your moods, your decisions.</p><p>You may find yourself pulled toward toxic dynamics, critical people, situations where you feel small or invisible or not enough&#8212;because that <em>feels like home</em> to the Pattern part of you.</p><p>Not because you want it.</p><p>Because it&#8217;s familiar.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Life Patterns Are Loyal and Resistant</strong></h3><p>Here&#8217;s the paradox: the Pattern once protected you.</p><p>It saved you.</p><p>It kept you emotionally afloat in a stormy home or unstable school or shaming environment.</p><p>But what helped you <em>survive</em> childhood now sabotages your adulthood.</p><p>The problem is, the Pattern doesn&#8217;t know the war is over.</p><p>It still sees you as that little kid who needed protection.</p><p>That&#8217;s why it fights change.</p><p>That&#8217;s why personal growth feels so hard, so slippery.</p><p>And why self-help books, affirmations, and advice often don&#8217;t stick.</p><p>You&#8217;re not failing. You&#8217;re fighting a <em>very old survival mechanism</em> that just won&#8217;t let go without deeper, targeted work.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>My Pattern Is the Problem&#8212;Not Me</strong></h3><p>Let&#8217;s say this out loud:</p><p><strong>I&#8217;m not broken. My Pattern is the problem.</strong></p><p>It&#8217;s not your nature that&#8217;s anxious, fearful, sad, or avoidant.</p><p>That&#8217;s the Pattern&#8217;s lens.</p><p>And when you wear its glasses, everything looks bleak&#8212;especially yourself.</p><p>But underneath?</p><p>There&#8217;s the <em>real you</em>. The <strong>Authentic You</strong>. And that part?</p><p>Is open.</p><p>Is kind.</p><p>Is ready.</p><p>Is hopeful.</p><p>Is lovable.</p><p>Is worthy.</p><p>Is so damn eager to live freely.</p><p>That part has ideas. Words. Desires. Contributions to make.</p><p>That part <em>knows</em> there&#8217;s more to life than what the Pattern allows.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>You Deserve a Path That Works</strong></h3><p>When you&#8217;re ready to grow&#8230;</p><p>When you&#8217;re serious about change&#8230;</p><p>You deserve a path that <em>acknowledges the Pattern</em> and works <em>through it</em>&#8212;not against it.</p><p>That&#8217;s where real transformation begins.</p><p>We don&#8217;t need to shame ourselves into healing.</p><p>We need a map that includes the terrain we&#8217;re actually walking on.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Want Help With That?</strong></h3><p>If this spoke to you, the <strong>VIP tier of Permission to Be Powerful</strong> was built for you.</p><p>It&#8217;s where we stop pretending that growth is about willpower and start <strong>working with</strong> the emotional mechanics of change. It&#8217;s where we go from just <em>reading</em> about transformation&#8230; to <em>experiencing</em> it.</p><p>Inside VIP, you&#8217;ll find tools to:</p><p>&#129504; Unpack and rewire your <strong>Life Patterns</strong> using triggers as doorways</p><p>&#128216; Work directly with your <strong>Inner Child</strong> through real-time emotional techniques</p><p>&#127919; Build Adult Self authority so you stop collapsing into old roles</p><p>&#128165; Access therapeutic tools and journal frameworks from <strong>The Trigger Workbook</strong></p><p>&#9881;&#65039; Use <strong>AI-assisted healing tools</strong> to help mirror, map, and process stuck loops</p><p>&#10084;&#65039; Get grounded in self-trust, clarity, and calm power&#8212;even on your hardest days</p><p>You&#8217;ll also get access to:</p><ul><li><p><em>The ADHD X-Factor</em></p></li><li><p><em>The Monster Method</em></p></li><li><p><em>The AI Prompt Bible</em></p></li><li><p>And more tools that support deep emotional clarity and personal agency</p></li></ul><p>And right now, <strong>you can try it free for 30 days.</strong></p><p>No risk. No pressure.</p><p>Just support that meets you where you are, and helps you get where you&#8217;re going.</p><h2>&#128073; [<strong><a href="https://www.antonvolney.com/subscribe?coupon=85e9ee95">Join VIP now &#8212; Free for 30 Days</a></strong>]</h2><p>Let&#8217;s stop looping the past.</p><p>Let&#8217;s give your Inner Child something new to believe.</p><p>Let&#8217;s build a relationship between the part that <em>feels hurt</em> and the part that can <em>heal</em>.</p><p>See you inside,</p><h2>Zalman, LCSW</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!UljM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe67a907b-e8b2-4ae8-ac14-fd4d0cfed02a_1024x1032.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" 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