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Publisher of Permission to be Powerful.

Pack your bags—adventure’s calling.

You could win a 3-Day Surf & Beach Escape to Rincón, Puerto Rico:

• 3 nights at Casa Islena (for 2)

• $500 AMEX gift card for travel

• $100 resort credit for poolside cocktails

• 2 days of personal surf lessons for two

The waves are waiting. The cocktails are chilled. The only thing missing is you.

👉 [Enter Now to Win]

See you there.

Publisher of Permission to be Powerful.

Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

The more I understand people, the more stunned I am.

We like to think we know how human beings work.

We assume people are logical, that they operate on some shared foundation of truth and reason.

But what if we were wrong?

What if our machinery operated differently from the way we think?

That brings me to gaslighting.

One of the most insidious human inventions.

Gaslighters don’t live in the real world.

They distort truth, bend reality, and rewrite history in real-time.

They manipulate, omit, and twist details to fit their own version of events. And the worst part?

They don’t respect your truth.

Your version of reality deserves respect.

That’s the short answer to dealing with a gaslighter: do not engage.

Now, let’s go deeper.

Not everyone lives in a world where facts are irrefutable.

Some people live in stories—stories they invent, reinforce, and force onto others.

They curate narratives, omitting inconvenient details, spinning reality until it suits their agenda.

I despise this topic.

It makes my brain feel like Swiss cheese.

Too many years of being gaslit left me questioning myself at every turn.

She was unbeatable.

She fooled trained professionals. A judge. Family. Strangers.

There’s a reason I avoid talking about this. I don’t want my credibility called into question. I don’t want to be seen as the villain.

I am entitled to my truth.

Especially after having it erased for so long.

I hold onto it fiercely.

That’s why I gave up lying altogether. When your reality is constantly being distorted by someone else, brutal honesty becomes your only lifeline.

Because if I let go of the truth, even for a second, I’d drown in the gaslighting.

She was unbeatable.

Even with a professional at my side, she demolished me.

My only option was to walk away. You cannot reason with someone who refuses to engage in good faith.

She never listened.

She was always sure she was right.

And she believed her own bullshit.

Her mother was the same way—constantly feeding her untreated anxiety with wild, unverified stories.

One time, we were thinking about visiting a small island just off the coast.

You would need a little boat.

Just a little bit too far off the beaten path for my mother in law.

She discouraged us from going…

Because rastas with machine guns were there.

Only in retrospect did I piece together what was happening.

People always tell you who they are.

Even when they’re hiding it.

If you listen closely, they’ll let it slip.

I remember one day, clear as crystal.

She looked me in the eye and said:

"No matter what, I never back down. It doesn’t matter what they say. Always double down."

I sat there, stunned.

That level of deliberate deception—that sheer refusal to ever admit fault—was something I couldn’t even begin to process.

Most people are just kids in adult bodies.

You think you’re dealing with a rational, reasonable, sane person.

You’re wrong.

Some people stopped maturing at age two.

The Opposite of Truth

Some people don’t care about truth.

They care about winning.

They care about control—who gets to tell the story, who gets to be believed.

They don’t just twist reality.

Sometimes, they’ll tell the exact opposite of the truth.

That’s what makes gaslighting so effective.

It’s disorienting.

It scrambles your brain.

It short-circuits your ability to defend yourself.

When someone tells you something so blatantly false—so backwards—your mind struggles to process it.

It’s called a double bind.

Your brain can’t think in two opposing directions at once.

It makes you feel crazy.

It makes you question yourself.

And that’s exactly what they want.

👉 Maybe it was your fault.

👉 👉Maybe you do have it all wrong.

👉👉👉 Maybe YOU’RE the asshole.

That’s how they sink their hooks into you.

That’s how they keep you trapped.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

I don’t allow gaslighters in my life.

I can’t afford to.

👉 They’re emotionally violent people.

👉 They don’t just hurt you—they erode you.

👉 They make you doubt your own mind.

That’s the worst kind of abuse.

The Moment I Understood

One day, I realized something.

A gaslighter doesn’t just want to win the argument.

They want to win control over reality itself.

They want the power to tell you what happened—to dictate your thoughts, your memories, your emotions.

You’re not allowed to be a person.

No.

You’re their object.

And they will tell you how things are.

It’s dehumanizing.

It’s psychological warfare.

And the only way to win is to walk away.

The Price of Waking Up

Getting divorced gave me a clarity like nothing else.

I’d been blind.

I missed 90% of what was going on in my own relationship.

I was married to a stranger.

Eight years, and I never really knew her.

She kept her guard up the entire time.

She never let me in.

And I was too gaslit to see it.

Now, I look back, and I see it all so clearly.

People operate in layers.

👉 The public persona.

👉 The friend persona.

👉 The work persona.

👉 The spouse persona.

And then, buried underneath all of it—hidden from sight—lies the real person.

Most people will NEVER see that version.

But if you’re married to someone…

Shouldn’t they?

Shouldn’t there be trust?

That’s what still blows my mind.

If you don’t trust your own spouse, why get married?

It makes no sense.

But gaslighting doesn’t follow logic.

It follows POWER.

The Truth Is a Dealbreaker

I had been surviving on crumbs my whole life.

That’s why I didn’t see it.

I took those same crumbs when my wife gave me them as usual. As love. As how things were supposed to be.

It took me years to understand how deeply distorted her reality was.

And even longer to realize how much that distortion had infected my own mind.

But here’s what I know now:

👉 I am the exact opposite of a gaslighter.

👉 I don’t manipulate.

👉 I don’t distort.

👉 I don’t rewrite history.

👉 I tell the truth.

Even when it’s inconvenient.

Even when it makes me look bad.

Even when I don’t want to.

Because the moment you start lying—to yourself, to others—you lose your grip on reality.

And I will never go through that again.

My aunt pointed it out once.

"You’re a straight shooter. That’s rare."

I hadn’t even thought about it that way.

But she’s right.

Telling the truth isn’t just my policy—it’s my armor.

Because once you know someone is lying to you… once you see the game for what it is…

You’re free.

And that’s a dealbreaker for me now.

If I can’t get the truth from you, I’m not interested.

If I know I’m being lied to, I’m out.

No Room for Gaslighters

Gaslighting is a serious offense.

You tolerate gaslighting, you enable someone who doesn’t mind fighting dirty. Someone who doesn’t mind hurting you if it means they can stay in control.

I’m done tolerating it.

👉 If you treat me like an opponent instead of a person, you’re out.

👉 If you twist reality to fit your agenda, you’re out.

👉 If I have to prove my version of events to you as if my lived experience isn’t valid, you’re out.

The only way a person like that is getting into my life again is if they sue me, and I get subpoenaed.

That’s it.

Otherwise?

They have NO place in my world.

Divorce gave me clarity.

It wiped the fog away.

And in that new clarity, I’ve realized something even deeper:

I have GOOD judgment.

I always second-guessed myself too much.

I thought I needed validation from others to confirm what I felt.

But I don’t.

My therapist thinks so.

I think so.

And that’s all I need.

I don’t need to convince anyone.

I don’t need to argue my truth.

Because I deserve better than dishonest and malicious.

And I won’t settle for anything less.

When I’m with someone. I’m with them.

And I expect them to be with me. Not against me.

I had the very sobering experience of having not one but two therapists listen to my story, and they both said the same thing:

“That’s not a relationship.”

Even more vexing, neither of them elaborated.

Sometimes, therapists can be weirdly cryptic, and I never understand why.

One of them said, “I was completely subjugated.”

Well that sucks.

Gaslighting is about power and dominance.

I’m not into people who want dominance over me.

Not anymore.

Until next time,

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist

Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

It’s not politically correct to say you have low self-esteem.

People aren’t as self-aware as you think.

And there are plenty of people in denial about it.

I was one of them.

For years, I would’ve told you I had confidence.

👉 I carried myself well.

👉 I could speak with authority.

👉 I wasn’t afraid to go after what I wanted.

But deep down?

I didn’t actually love myself.

Not really.

Loving yourself isn’t about affirmations in the mirror.

It’s not about telling yourself you’re worthy while ignoring all the ways you treat yourself like you’re not.

So, what does the evidence say?

Let’s run a quick audit:

👉 Do you let people disrespect you?

👉 Do you abandon yourself to keep others happy?

👉 Do you settle for things you don’t want because you don’t believe you deserve better?

👉 Do you constantly feel drained because you overextend yourself for people who wouldn’t do the same for you?

That’s not self-love.

That’s self-betrayal.

I had to learn the hard way that love isn’t about words—it’s about ACTION.

👉 You don’t love yourself if you’re constantly proving your worth to people who don’t appreciate you.

👉 You don’t love yourself if you let others dictate your value.

👉 You don’t love yourself if you’re afraid to walk away from what doesn’t serve you.

That’s not self-love. That’s fear.

So, how do you actually love yourself?

You set boundaries. You protect your peace. You invest in yourself like you’re your own most important relationship—because you are.

Loving yourself means your actions match your words.

👉 It means walking away from people who take you for granted.

👉 It means saying no without guilt.

👉 It means putting yourself first, not in a selfish way…

But because you understand that when you thrive, you bring your best self to the world.

Loving yourself means treating yourself like someone worth fighting for.

Because you are.

And if your life doesn’t reflect that yet—now’s the time to change it.

The Hidden Signs of Self-Abandonment

Sometimes, low self-worth doesn’t look like insecurity. It looks like:

• Over-explaining yourself to people who don’t even deserve an explanation.

• Tolerating lukewarm relationships that leave you feeling unseen.

• Working yourself to the bone to prove your value instead of knowing you’re valuable.

• Being the go-to fixer for everyone else’s problems but ignoring your own.

Self-love isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about a series of small, consistent choices that prove—to you—that you matter.

The Hardest Part About Self-Love?

It forces you to take responsibility.

If you’ve been allowing mistreatment, staying in cycles that harm you, or neglecting your own needs, self-love means owning up to it.

No more excuses. No more pretending. No more waiting for someone else to value you first.

It’s not easy.

But it’s worth it.

Because the moment you start acting like someone who loves themselves…

Your entire world shifts.

Your relationships improve. Your confidence rises. Your peace returns.

And best of all?

You stop settling for less than you deserve.

Because real self-love doesn’t tolerate anything less than respect.

And neither should you.

What Happens When You Finally Love Yourself?

Everything changes.

• You stop chasing validation and start living with self-respect.

• You attract healthier relationships because you no longer entertain toxic ones.

• You recognize that your happiness isn’t anyone else’s responsibility—it’s yours.

• You become unshakable, because your worth is no longer tied to external approval.

And here’s the real kicker:

When you truly love yourself, you stop apologizing for being who you are.

👉 You stop making yourself small to make others comfortable.

👉 You stop explaining your decisions to people who wouldn’t understand.

👉 You stop shrinking for anyone who doesn’t celebrate your full, authentic self.

Because when you love yourself…

You don’t need permission to take up space.

You become the person you were always meant to be.

And nothing is more powerful than that.

Until next time,

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist

P.S.: To get the summary notes of this article, go here.

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How to Break Free from an Emotionally Destructive Relationship

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Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

I was trapped in an emotionally destructive relationship.

It wasn’t obvious at first.

At first, it felt like love.
Then, it felt like chaos.
Then, it felt like walking on eggshells.
And then, it felt like a prison.

Not one with bars—but one made of manipulation, guilt, and gaslighting.

I share this because so many of us are stuck in toxic relationship loops.

We let someone in—maybe a romantic partner, maybe a friend, maybe even a family member.
They seem great. They feel familiar. They have moments of kindness.

But over time, they drain us.
They stress us out. They erode our peace.

And yet, we stay.

Because we tell ourselves:

🔹 “We’ve been through so much together.”
🔹 “They’ve helped me in the past.”
🔹 “They didn’t mean to hurt me.”
🔹 “They’re going through a hard time.”
🔹 “Maybe I just need to be more patient.”

But here’s the only question that matters:

👉 Does this relationship energize me—or does it drain me?
👉 Do I feel safe and peaceful—or anxious and on edge?

I’ve had to walk away from people I deeply cared about.

Not because I didn’t love them. But because I love myself more.

Because over time, I saw the patterns:

⚠️ People who are nice—but consistently disrespectful.
⚠️ People who apologize—but never change.
⚠️ People who take—but never give.
⚠️ People who say they care—but make you feel small.

And the hardest truth?

🌪️ Even just ONE toxic relationship can destroy your confidence, your happiness, your dreams.

Why We Stay (Even When We Know Better)

Walking away isn’t just hard—it’s terrifying.

Because leaving isn’t just about cutting someone out.
It’s about cutting out the version of yourself that tolerated them.

The version that:
🔹 Settled for breadcrumbs instead of real love.
🔹 Made excuses for behavior that should have been a dealbreaker.
🔹 Wanted so badly to be chosen, they forgot to choose themselves.

That version of you has to die—so the real you can rise.

And that’s painful.

Because deep down, you know:
🚨 If you demand better, some people won’t rise to meet you.
🚨 If you set boundaries, some people will leave.
🚨 If you choose yourself, you might have to stand alone for a while.

And that’s why people stay.

Not because they don’t see the red flags.
But because they’re afraid of what happens when they finally listen.

The Truth About Letting Go

But here’s what I can promise you:

The loneliness of walking away is nothing compared to the slow death of staying.

The moment you start saying NO to toxic relationships…
Is the moment you start saying YES to your real life.

And when you do?

📌 You stop chasing—because real love doesn’t need convincing.
📌 You stop shrinking—because you’re finally surrounded by people who see you.
📌 You stop doubting yourself—because your energy isn’t being drained by the wrong people.

And suddenly, the version of you that was willing to settle?

Feels like a stranger.

If this hits home, you’re not alone.

If you’re in the process of letting go, I see you.

And if you needed a sign?

This is it.

Until next time,

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist.

P.S.: To get the summary notes of this article, go here.

Subscribe now

How to Break Free from an Emotionally Destructive Relationship

Subscribe now

Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

I was trapped in an emotionally destructive relationship.

It wasn’t obvious at first.

At first, it felt like love.
Then, it felt like chaos.
Then, it felt like walking on eggshells.
And then, it felt like a prison.

Not one with bars—but one made of manipulation, guilt, and gaslighting.

I share this because so many of us are stuck in toxic relationship loops.

We let someone in—maybe a romantic partner, maybe a friend, maybe even a family member.
They seem great. They feel familiar. They have moments of kindness.

But over time, they drain us.
They stress us out. They erode our peace.

And yet, we stay.

Because we tell ourselves:

🔹 “We’ve been through so much together.”
🔹 “They’ve helped me in the past.”
🔹 “They didn’t mean to hurt me.”
🔹 “They’re going through a hard time.”
🔹 “Maybe I just need to be more patient.”

But here’s the only question that matters:

👉 Does this relationship energize me—or does it drain me?
👉 Do I feel safe and peaceful—or anxious and on edge?

I’ve had to walk away from people I deeply cared about.

Not because I didn’t love them. But because I love myself more.

Because over time, I saw the patterns:

⚠️ People who are nice—but consistently disrespectful.
⚠️ People who apologize—but never change.
⚠️ People who take—but never give.
⚠️ People who say they care—but make you feel small.

And the hardest truth?

🌪️ Even just ONE toxic relationship can destroy your confidence, your happiness, your dreams.

Why We Stay (Even When We Know Better)

Walking away isn’t just hard—it’s terrifying.

Because leaving isn’t just about cutting someone out.
It’s about cutting out the version of yourself that tolerated them.

The version that:
🔹 Settled for breadcrumbs instead of real love.
🔹 Made excuses for behavior that should have been a dealbreaker.
🔹 Wanted so badly to be chosen, they forgot to choose themselves.

That version of you has to die—so the real you can rise.

And that’s painful.

Because deep down, you know:
🚨 If you demand better, some people won’t rise to meet you.
🚨 If you set boundaries, some people will leave.
🚨 If you choose yourself, you might have to stand alone for a while.

And that’s why people stay.

Not because they don’t see the red flags.
But because they’re afraid of what happens when they finally listen.

The Truth About Letting Go

But here’s what I can promise you:

The loneliness of walking away is nothing compared to the slow death of staying.

The moment you start saying NO to toxic relationships…
Is the moment you start saying YES to your real life.

And when you do?

📌 You stop chasing—because real love doesn’t need convincing.
📌 You stop shrinking—because you’re finally surrounded by people who see you.
📌 You stop doubting yourself—because your energy isn’t being drained by the wrong people.

And suddenly, the version of you that was willing to settle?

Feels like a stranger.

If this hits home, you’re not alone.

If you’re in the process of letting go, I see you.

And if you needed a sign?

This is it.

Until next time,

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist.

P.S.: To get the summary notes of this article, go here.

Editor’s Note: May is for memoirs! That’s why you’re getting over 50 incredible indie titles free, including an advance review copy of my new memoir, Hell & Paradise. Check it out here.

Now, let’s get into it…

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The Hidden Crisis No One Talks About

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Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

What if I told you that right now, at this very moment…

You Are in The Middle of a Crisis

One so dangerous, so lethal, so insidious…

Yet, most people don’t know it’s happening.

👉 You won’t see it on the news.

👉 No headlines will warn you.

👉 No experts will sound the alarm.

Because this crisis isn’t happening out there.

It’s happening inside you.

And if you don’t act soon, it could cost you everything.

The Silent Collapse

Most people think a crisis looks like chaos—panic, destruction, the world burning around them.

But real collapse?

👉 It happens silently.

👉 Slowly.

👉 So subtly that you don’t even realize it’s happening.

One day, you wake up and realize:

👉 The drive you once had?

Gone.

👉 The confidence you built?

Shaken.

👉 The dreams you swore you’d chase?

Abandoned.

And you tell yourself it’s just a phase...

A rough patch…

You’ll figure it out.

But deep down, you know the truth.

This isn’t just stress.

👉 Or burnout.

👉 Or feeling “off.”

This is a slow unraveling.

👉 And if you don’t do something about it now?

👉You may not recognize yourself in a year.

The Identity Crisis No One Sees Coming

Here’s what no one tells you:

A crisis of identity is worse than a financial collapse.

Because when the markets crash?

You can rebuild.

When you lose money?

You can earn it back.

But when YOU collapse…

When you lose sight of who you are, what you want, and what you stand for—

The consequences are far worse.

👉 You make decisions out of fear instead of power.

👉 You stay in situations that drain you because you don’t trust yourself to leave.

👉 You settle for less in every area of life—work, love, friendships—because somewhere along the way, you stopped believing you deserve more.

And once that happens?

You start to disappear.

The world doesn’t even have to take you down.

You’ll do it to yourself.

The Warning Signs Are Already There

Most people don’t wake up one day and think, “Wow, I’m in an identity crisis.”

Instead, they ignore the warning signs—until it’s too late.

👉 You feel restless, but you don’t know why.

👉 You distract yourself constantly—social media, binge-watching, working too much—because silence feels unbearable.

👉 You envy people who seem free, but tell yourself you “can’t” live like that.

👉 You have conversations in your head about what you really want, but you never say them out loud.

At first, these things seem small. Unimportant.

But add them up?

And you’re looking at the slow-motion collapse of a life.

The One Thing That Makes It Worse

The worst part? Most people don’t do anything about it.

Not because they don’t want to. Not because they don’t care.

But because they tell themselves they have time.

They think they can fix it later. When things calm down. When life gives them permission. When the “right moment” comes.

But the truth?

🚨 Later never comes. 🚨

And every moment you spend waiting, hesitating, avoiding?

You’re sinking deeper into the very crisis you’re trying to escape.

The good news? It’s not too late.

But only if you’re willing to act now.

The Escape Plan: How to Break Free Before It’s Too Late

If you’ve read this far, you already know you’re at a crossroads.

Now, you have two choices:

1️⃣ Keep going down the same path. Keep hoping things will get better on their own. Keep distracting yourself. Keep telling yourself “one day” things will change.

2️⃣ Take control—right now. Stop waiting for permission. Stop playing small. Decide that today is the day you change.

Because if you don’t?

Nothing will.

And here’s where most people fail:

They think escaping an identity crisis requires a huge, dramatic change. A total life overhaul.

It doesn’t.

What it really takes?

A series of small, powerful choices.

The choice to start listening to the voice inside you instead of ignoring it.

👉 The choice to stop prioritizing what other people think over what you know you need.

👉 The choice to act before you feel ready.

Because if you wait until you feel “ready”?

You’ll be waiting FOREVER.

The Three-Step Process to Rebuild Yourself

Most people don’t rebuild because they don’t know where to start. So here’s your roadmap:

Step 1: Strip Everything Down

👉 Get brutally honest about what’s not working. Where are you lying to yourself? What are you tolerating that drains you?

👉 Let go of what’s weighing you down. Toxic relationships, bad habits, outdated beliefs—cut them loose.

Step 2: Rewire Your Identity

👉 Define who you want to be. If you could start fresh, what would your life look like? Write it down. Make it real.

👉 Shift your self-image. Stop telling yourself you’re “stuck.” You’re evolving. You’re stepping into something bigger.

Step 3: Take Unapologetic Action

👉 Make one bold move. Not tomorrow. Today.

👉 Commit to non-negotiable self-respect. Every choice, every habit, every relationship—if it doesn’t align with your new identity? It’s gone.

The Final Push: Never Go Back

Once you start down this path, you will face resistance.

From others. From your old habits. From the part of you that wants to cling to comfort.

But here’s the truth: Comfort is a trap.

Growth is uncomfortable. Change is messy. Reinvention is painful.

But what’s the alternative?

👉 To stay stuck?

👉 To keep living a life that no longer fits?

👉 To wake up five years from now, full of regret?

🚨 No. That’s not an option. 🚨

This is your moment.

The point of no return.

The life you want?

It’s on the other side of ONE decision.

If this hits home, don’t just nod and scroll away—act.

Join Permission to Be Powerful as a paid subscriber.

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Commit to this transformation—because the world doesn’t hand power to those who wait.

You KNOW what to do…

GO DO IT. 🤛

Until next time,

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist.