How to Change Your Relationship... Even When Your Partner Rejects Change

A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post

✍️ Editor’s Note:

Zalman is my therapist—and my secret weapon.

When I was unraveling, he didn’t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.

His insights show up everywhere in Permission to Be Powerful—because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.

This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You’ll be hearing more from him.

—Anton

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Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

Your actions and words can change your relationship.

Even if your partner resists change.

Since you realize the dynamic and are clear about your right to feel, have a view, and be heard, you can sense the stuck point you're both in, in which no one is hearing anyone.

You can choose to be the bigger, maturer, healthier person and stop speaking.

You can take the lead and navigate the emotional triggers.

Next Time You're Emotionally Triggered

Try this in your next conversation: focus on your partner's words and points.

Give them the floor completely and allow them the time to express themselves. As they speak, find ways to reflect back to them the points you heard them share with you.

That's how they'll feel heard and validated.

Eventually, they will get to a point where they go silent, because they've been heard, and feel fully expressed. It's then that you have your chance to share.

You can do this shift because you see the dynamic, you’re in touch with your child self, and you're able to step back and see the big picture and the dynamic at the moment.

At that point, you're in touch with and in control of the emotional triggers you experience in the relationship.

However, your partner can’t yet.

But you're very clear about your right to feel and that hearing them doesn’t automatically mean you agree and lose your ability to share your view.

Partner's Emotionally Triggered

Try it one time and see. Your partner is still emotionally triggered and stuck in a dynamic that allows you to feel and share but threatens his/her ability to share and feel.

They can’t be the ones to pull back and shift the balance.

But you can.

With love,

— Zalman, LCSW

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