I Spent Years Solving Other People’s Problems… Then I Got a Rude Awakening

The Brutal Truth About People Who Expect You to Save Them

I just discovered another obvious truth that I hadn’t noticed.

My various family members are always casually placing the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I only recently registered that they’re constantly giving me new problems to solve, yet they’re never helpful when it’s time to meet my needs.

It’s not all their fault. I have my part to play, too. Pathological giving is a coping strategy.

It goes like this: I know I’m worthless, so you don’t have to invest. I’ll do all the work. I’ll focus on you. Whatever you need. I was trying to earn the right for them not to abandon me.

There’s rarely reciprocity when people dump their problems on your lap and make them yours.

Two Christmases ago, I was at a family function. I saw a cousin I hadn’t seen in 10 years.

And the first thing out of her mouth to me was to fetch something for her like a lapdog.

She wasn’t predisposed. She didn’t need my help.

I was taken aback.

I haven’t seen you in ten years, yet you still want me to fetch something like you…