Stop Waiting For People to Change

Why Some People Would Rather Die Than Change -- and What to Do About It

It’s uncomfortable to admit, but most people never change meaningfully.

Sure, they might tweak a behavior or two—leave the toilet seat down, remember your birthday, or cut back on late-night snacking.

But those surface-level adjustments aren’t real change. They don’t rewrite the underlying story that defines who they are.

Real change—shifting someone’s identity, core beliefs, and emotional wiring—requires facing profound, uncomfortable truths. It demands questioning the very foundation of who you think you are.

And let’s be honest—that scares the hell out of most people.

We build entire lives around avoiding this kind of work.

From childhood, we learn survival strategies. We figure out what keeps us safe, what earns us approval, and what helps us feel loved—or at least tolerated. Then, we double down on those strategies until they harden into habits.

By the time we’re adults, these habits have become our identity.

• The nice guy who never says no.

• The overachiever who can’t stop proving h…