Struggle for Approval.

This Runs Deep

Dear Permission to be Powerful reader,

For years, I desired women who did not want me.

Who did not value me.

Who did not respect me.

Why should I like someone who doesn’t respect me?

Don’t know, didn’t care.

These days, I prefer women who light up when they see me.

But back then...

I was like Pepe le Pew.

I chased while they ran away.

I kept trying harder.

I was such a glutton for punishment.

It wasn’t really about the girl.

I was addicted to the struggle for approval.

I was trying to convince someone that I was good enough.

That I had value.

So sad and ironic.

Think about it:

If someone else held the key to my value...

That’s me announcing my own self-hatred up front.

The game was simple:

If she changes her mind about me…

I win.

I didn’t think there was another way.

When you’re starving for validation…

You want someone else to feed it to you.

Look how many friends you have.
Look at the car you drive.
Look who approves of you.

But opinions are fiction.

Yet people spend their entire lives chasing approval from strangers.

I did.

For years, my self-worth was on trial.

Any random person could be the judge.

When you need approval…

You can’t say no.

You censor yourself.

You shrink.

You tolerate things you should never tolerate.

People can see you coming from a mile away.

It took me years to see it.

That was Anton.

Tony is different.

Anton chased approval.

Tony minds his business.

Anton tolerated one-sided dynamics.

Tony is like a bouncer.

He limits access.

And he shows people the door.

There are no exceptions.

Anton built his whole career around his clients' approval.

So if he stepped out of line…

Everything collapsed.

Tony builds assets with no gatekeepers.

No more begging for permission.

No more hiding behind anyone else’s name.

Anton thought respect had to be earned.

Tony doesn’t play that game.

Respect is mandatory.

Up front.

Anton’s life didn’t work.

It was exhausting.

He let the women in his life become his whole world.

He stayed in relationships long past the expiration date.

“Yes, dear...”
“Whatever you want, dear.”

Anton moved to a city he didn’t like just to make someone else happy.

He worked for crumbs while others took the upside.

He signed away his leverage on day one.

All to avoid conflict.

I didn’t question it for years.

Now I do.

Anton was so busy trying to play the approval game, his needs came dead last.

He was becoming a danger to himself.

He wasn’t all bad.

He knew something was “off”...

That’s why he built Tony, slowly, over more than a decade.

There came a point where I saw the pattern clearly.

Different seasons.

Different people.

Same dynamics.

Every day was Groundhog Day.

I was tired of living a sabotaged life.

So I started breaking the pattern.

One boundary at a time.

Each one gave me a little more self-respect.

But it didn’t feel good.

Not at first.

Every time I acted differently…

It felt wrong.

I wanted to go back.

To smooth things over.
To apologize.
To keep the peace.

Walking away felt like losing.

Saying no felt like a mistake.

Even when I knew it wasn’t.

That was withdrawal.

I sat with it.

The discomfort.
The urge to fold.
The feeling that I was ruining everything.

And slowly…

I stopped needing approval to feel okay.

I went on a date.

I could see the old one‑sided dynamic forming.

Afterward, she started avoiding me.

Pretending not to see me.

Acting like I was invisible.

Anton would have chased harder…

- like Pepe le Pew.

Tony didn’t.

He said…

“I see you trying to avoid me. You don’t have to. I’m not interested in any woman who isn’t interested in me.”

I meant every word.

Her mouth hung open.

Guess she never heard that one before.

Still not going back.

Tony
Editor-in-Chief
Permission to be Powerful