The Feelings Chart: A Gentle First Step Toward Inner Healing
A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post
✍️ Editor’s Note:
Zalman is my therapist—and my secret weapon.
When I was unraveling, he didn’t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.
His insights show up everywhere in Permission to Be Powerful—because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.
This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You’ll be hearing more from him.
—Anton
Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,
Starting therapy — or even thinking about it — is a powerful act of self-respect. Whether prompted by pain, curiosity, or someone’s encouragement, it means this: you’re ready for change.
One of the simplest but most transformative tools I recommend at the beginning of this journey is the Feelings Chart.
This humble sheet of emotion words can begin to untangle years — sometimes decades — of emotional confusion. It’s your first step in building something most of us never learned to do growing up:
A relationship with yourself.
What Therapy Is Really About
At the heart of therapy is this core insight:
You are not one person inside.
You’re two:
An adult self who thinks, reasons, and manages daily life
And an inner child, shaped by your earliest experiences, still carrying the emotional blueprint of what it means to be loved, seen, safe… or not.
Until adolescence, your inner child was in charge. They absorbed the emotional atmosphere of your home — messages about your worth, your voice, and your right to take up space.
If you grew up with unmet emotional needs — even in subtle, well-meaning households — that child still lives inside, searching for what they never got.
The Big Problem: We Were Never Taught
Emotions
Most people walk into therapy not knowing what they feel.
They know they’re “off.” Upset. Frustrated. Numb.
But no one ever taught us to speak the language of feelings.
Instead, we learned how to:
Please others
Avoid conflict
Distract or numb out
Perform for validation
Which means we show up to life — and relationships — without knowing who we are emotionally. We try to heal with logic… but healing is a felt process.
From Victim to Empowered: A Shift in Perspective
Healing starts the moment we stop asking, “Why is this happening to me?”
And begin asking, “What is this showing me about myself?”
That’s the shift from victimhood to empowerment.
It doesn’t mean blaming yourself. It means reclaiming the power to feel, understand, and care for the part of you that’s been waiting to be seen.
This is where the Feelings Chart comes in.
How to Use the Feelings Chart (Step-by-Step)
Think of a Triggering Moment
Choose a recent moment that got under your skin — an argument, a rejection, a moment of shame or overwhelm.
Notice What You Feel in Your Body
Emotions show up physically. A lump in your throat. Tightness in your chest. Knots in your stomach.
Pull Up the Feelings Chart
Glance through the words. Don’t overthink. Just circle or write down the ones that resonate. Trust your gut.
Name 3–5 Emotions
Go beyond “mad” or “sad.” Try words like: ignored, unseen, overwhelmed, disrespected, embarrassed.
Reflect
Ask yourself: When else have I felt this way?
That’s how the inner child speaks — through repetition.
Why This Matters
It slows you down
Instead of reacting or spiraling, you notice.
It builds your emotional vocabulary
Naming your emotions gives you a sense of clarity and control.
It re-parents your inner child
When you pause to listen, you’re saying:
You matter. I hear you. I’m here now.
Common Signs of Emotional Neglect You Might Recognize
Feeling chronically empty or “not enough”
Choosing unavailable or avoidant partners
Getting overwhelmed in conflict or pulling away
Constantly seeking reassurance, but never feeling satisfied
Struggling to name or express how you feel
If any of these hit home, that’s not a flaw. It’s a signal.
A whisper from the inner child — asking for your attention.
This Isn’t About Perfection. It’s About Progress.
You don’t have to do this “right.”
You just have to show up for yourself, a little more each day.
Even 30 seconds of checking in — What am I feeling right now? — creates a ripple effect. Over time, that ripple becomes a wave. And that wave becomes transformation.
Want Help With This Process?
If you want to go deeper, I’ve built out an entire toolkit inside VIP at Permission to Be Powerful, including:
🧠 The Trigger Method Workbook – Rewire your emotional reactions, step-by-step
🧘♀️ The Daily Practice – Build a simple emotional hygiene ritual that actually works
📚 The AI Prompt Bible – 70+ plug-and-play prompts to explore your inner world
❤️ The ADHD X Factor – Emotional regulation and self-awareness for sensitive, fast minds
👉 Start your 30-day free trial here
You can’t heal what you don’t feel.
But once you start feeling it — you start freeing it.
And you realize:
You were never broken. You just needed someone to listen.
Now, you get to be that someone — for yourself.
With care,
— Zalman, LCSW
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