I’ve been thinking about the struggle of not caring what people think.
Why is it so hard?
Then it hit me—
We’re spiritually malnourished.
What do I mean?
The spiritual world is where it’s at. Everything that exists here was created there first. When you’re at home in the spiritual realm, you start to shape and influence your reality. Spooky.
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation
Think about the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.
People who seek validation from the outside world are extrinsically motivated. They build their sense of self on what others think of them.
They live in a constant state of:
➡️ “I feel insecure.”
➡️ “What are they saying about me?”
➡️ “My reputation is ruined.”
They let people live in their heads rent-free—day in, day out. They believe that what others say about them matters. That it defines them.
They’ve got it backwards.
YOU define you.
Thinking that other people define you is proof that you’ve lost your mind. Checkmate.
The Zen Approach: Mastering Your Inner World
In Zen, we’re taught to let go of our attachments—to things, to status, to the stories that replay endlessly in our minds. The stronger your grasp over your inner world, the more powerful you become.
That unlocks some strange voodoo.
Lately, I’ve been watching the way my mind works. It’s hilarious and bewildering at the same time. The same old tapes playing over and over again, as if I’m some prisoner of war locked in a cell with speakers blasting at full volume.
My mind is so hostile and aggressive when it’s not having its way.
During my last 7-day Sesshin (silent meditation retreat), once my mind realized I had locked it in a cell for a full week, it rebelled.
Full-blown mutiny.
Suddenly, I had problems—problems that didn’t even exist, problems I couldn’t shake, problems I was cursing about while sitting in complete silence.
I couldn’t let them go. I couldn’t get quiet.
And that’s the worst thing that can happen during Zazen. Because now, instead of sinking into stillness, I’m trapped.
Miserable. Bored.
Watching everyone else slip into the deep silence while my mind wages war against me.
But that’s the thing—it’s not me.
My mind is just noise. And the more I sit, the more I see it for what it is.
Just noise.
And the quieter I get, the more powerful I become.
Look at it differently.
I’m a little bit embarrassed to look at my dating record this past year. I think that my last girlfriend pound for pound was the highest quality human being I’ve ever dated. That’s in terms of emotional health and also, compatibility.
There’s been a steady improvement with each new date.
But for a while there, I got severely triggered back to my Chauffeur state. Getting fired by Tony Robbins was a big ingredient.
Watching the Chauffeur trying to date is… hard.
I really did lose some of my groundedness.
An outside world wrecking ball slammed right into me and knocked me out cold.
I started to feel small again.
I doubted that I could make it.
I wanted someone to lean on.
And I was more invested in what other people were saying about me. Possibly obsessed.
My core belief that I am not enough got activated. The belief that I am enough shut down.
Somehow, when you switch your frame of reference to the inner world, you don’t have to seek validation from others anymore because you’re supplying it to yourself.
It cuts their psychic cords.
We’re humans. That means, whether we like it or not, we have basic needs that must be met as a condition of living in your body.
You have to take a dump every day.
You have to pee every day.
We all want to fuck somebody.
We all need air.
We all need food and water.
We all need connection.
We all need God.
We all need validation.
But you don’t have to seek it from the outside world.
You can get it from yourself.
That’s the good news.
The bad news, is that this takes work.
You have to let go of your investment in the 3D world.
It’s as the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz says:
“You always had the power, my dear. You just had to find it for yourself.”
Again, you have it backward. You think you need to manipulate others into giving you validation so you feel worth.
But when you look deep within yourself, you will find the validation you need there. And reality starts to reflect what you see internally.
It always does.
It’s a byproduct.
There’s no salvation in the outside world.
We seek and seek.
Search and search.
And with every attempt we keep telling ourselves the same thing over and over again.
THIS IS IT!
The new job, or the new girlfriend, or the six pack, the adoration…
Once I have that “thing”…
Somehow that’s going to give us what we’ve been looking for.
That haunting feeling of dissatisfaction, lack and unworthiness will finally go away.
BUT…
It never stops — No matter how hard you try.
Think about the last time you got what you wanted. The job. The girl. The body.
It felt good—for a moment. Then? The emptiness came back. It always does.
Psychologists call this The Hedonic Treadmill.
Means that no matter what we have, we always get used to it, and start taking it for granted.
As they put it:
The hedonic treadmill is a psychological theory that suggests that humans have a tendency to return to a relatively stable level of happiness or subjective wellbeing, despite changes in their circumstances or external conditions.
According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.
The hedonic treadmill viewpoint suggests that wealth does not increase the level of happiness
That’s why there are so many asshole billionaires, TBH.
They have everything—money, power, status. But still, they’re haunted.
Because deep down, they know… nothing will ever be enough
J Paul Getty was a billionaire oil tycoon. He used to be the richest man in the world.
He was once asked how much money he would consider to be enough.
His famous response:
“A little bit more.”
This is also one of the reasons why people finally turn to spirituality.
They finally see that nothing satisfies their dis-ease.
Until you look within, that feeling will haunt you forever.
Zen Master. Hakuin says:
What is there outside us,
What is there we lack ?
Nirvana is openly shown to our eyes.
This earth where we stand is the pure lotus land,
and this very body—the body of Buddha.
You can chase forever.
Run yourself into the ground.
Or you can stop. Turn around. Face yourself.
Because the thing you’ve been searching for? It’s been staring at you the whole time.
And it’s been waiting for you to notice.
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You’ve been searching. Seeking. Chasing.
Trying to fill that empty space with validation, success, attention, or whatever your mind clings to next.
But what if the real game isn’t out there?
What if everything you’re looking for is already within you?
Here’s the truth:
Most people never break free from the cycle of seeking—because they’re trapped in the wrong game.
A game where they need approval. Where they need external proof that they matter.
But not you.
You’re waking up.
You’re seeing the illusion for what it is.
And if you’ve made it this far, it means you’re ready to step into a new way of being.
A way where you define you.
A way where you don’t seek validation—you radiate it.
A way where you’re spiritually unshakable.
That’s why I created VIP Access for Permission to Be Powerful.
Because some people are just here to read.
But others?
Others are here to train.
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To master themselves and reality.
And that’s exactly what VIP is for.
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This is for those who aren’t just curious—but committed.
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And here’s the thing:
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When you stop passively consuming and start actively transforming.
So the only question is:
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Because this is it.
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Until next time,
Anton
Dancer, Writer, Buddhist.
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