✍️ Editor’s Note:
Zalman is my therapist—and my secret weapon.
When I was unraveling, he didn’t just offer support. He helped me see the patterns running my life and gave me language sharp enough to cut through them.
His insights show up everywhere in Permission to Be Powerful—because they changed me. Now I want them to reach you.
This is your introduction to Zalman, LCSW. You’ll be hearing more from him.
—Anton
Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,
There’s a version of you walking through your life right now.
It thinks it’s you.
It feels like you.
It talks in your voice.
But it’s not you.
It’s a Pattern—an internal image built from old roles, wounds, expectations, and survival strategies that got so familiar you forgot they were optional.
🧠 What Is a Life Pattern?
A Life Pattern is a blind attachment to the image you carry of yourself.
It’s not your essence.
It’s your default setting. The mental-emotional software that was installed long before you could question it.
This image might say:
“I’m the fixer.”
“I’m too sensitive.”
“I always get rejected.”
“If I speak up, I’ll be abandoned.”
And because the image feels true, you shape your entire life to match it.
Your emotions? Calibrated to reinforce it.
Your voice? Filtered through it.
Your choices? Built on avoiding the shame of contradicting it.
You didn’t consciously choose this. You absorbed it.
Through years of family dynamics, emotional ruptures, schoolyard moments, and intimate heartbreaks.
Why It’s So Hard to Break
This internal image doesn’t just live inside you—it protects you.
At least, that’s what it wants you to believe.
Because challenging the Pattern means questioning your identity. And few things feel more dangerous than the idea:
“Maybe I am not who I thought I was.”
That’s why—even when the Pattern is causing pain—you defend it.
You blame others.
You postpone change.
You unconsciously wait for people around you to shift first.
Because as long as they’re the problem… you get to stay the same.
A Simple Truth, Hard to Swallow:
You helped build the Pattern.
Not because you’re broken.
Not because you’re bad.
But because you were young, scared, and brilliant at surviving.
You read the room. You learned what got love.
You learned what shut it off.
And you shaped yourself accordingly.
That’s not weakness.
That’s genius adaptation.
But now… you’re not a child.
And the Pattern? It’s outdated code.
It no longer protects you. It limits you.
What Breaks the Pattern?
Not more self-hate.
Not forcing yourself to “be better.”
Not screaming “boundaries” at your partner.
What breaks the Pattern is curiosity.
Soft, open-hearted inquiry:
“Whose voice is this in my head?”
“Who benefits when I believe I’m too much?”
“What if I’m allowed to change—even if others don’t?”
The moment you see the Pattern as a pattern—not as you—you start to loosen its grip.
That’s where real power begins.
A Gentle Prompt to Reflect:
What’s one false thought you catch yourself believing about yourself?
Write it down.
Say it out loud.
Then ask:
“Who taught me this?”
“What’s the cost of still believing it?”
“What might my life feel like without it?”
You’re not here to stay trapped inside a story you didn’t write.
You’re here to rewrite it.
With love,
— Zalman, LCSW
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