Unspoken Agreements
The Invisible Contracts That Imprison You For Life
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Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,
You never signed them.
But you've been obeying them your entire life.
The silent contracts.
Absorbed from your family.
Your culture.
Your trauma.
Etched into your bones like law.
Now they’re holding you hostage.
They run your life like a binding contract.
A curse…
A deal with the Devil.
Right under your nose — without you ever realizing it.
Nobody ever says them out loud.
Nobody ever writes them down.
But break one—and the consequences are as real as a heart attack.
The guilt trip.
The tension.
The cold shoulder.
Like you just broke some secret law.
Because you did.
You broke the unspoken agreement.
These Contracts Are Everywhere
I was raised under this invisible—contract:
“Don’t outshine anyone. Ever.”
I don’t remember anyone saying that.
But I do remember what happened when I started to shine.
People went silent.
Eyes rolled.
I got punished.
So I learned:
Stay small — or else.
And it’s not just one rule.
There are hundreds of these unspoken rules we live by:
“Be successful son… but not more successful than me.”
“Stay silent— or get punished.”
“If you have needs, you’ll be abandoned.”
“Fight for what everyone else gets for free.”
“If you say no, you’re selfish.”
“You’re not allowed to nice things.”
No one commanded you.
But you got the message.
Loud and clear.
And now you wear invisible chains.
They’ve become your blueprint —
how you pick friends, lovers, and battles.
You’ve been living out these silent contracts.
But you never signed your name to them.
You’re not obligated to uphold them.
What Happens When You Break One
When you break an unspoken agreement…
People will freak out.
They won’t thank you for finding your power.
They won’t say, “Wow, thanks for showing me how unfair our dynamic was.”
No.
They’ll punish.
Blame.
Play the victim.
“You changed.”
Damn right, you did.
And guess what?
That’s not a bad thing.
You were playing a role you were never meant to play.
Then you stopped…
And they rejected you for it.
That’s liberation.
That’s proof you were living under a lie.
When you walk away from a fake agreement…
You don’t lose anything.
You make space for something better.
These Contracts Are Built to Keep You Small
Some unspoken agreements are engineered so that you can never win.
Like this one:
“You carry 80% of the emotional labor… and if you stop, I’ll act like you’re abandoning me.”
Or:
“You must be the rescuer, the caretaker, the good one. You’re not allowed to need anything.”
Or:
“Work hard, give everything… but don’t expect a reward. And if you ask for one? You’re entitled — selfish.”
You’ve been hosed!
You were cast in a role.
And the minute you try to step off that stage, the whole system flips.
You’re the villain now.
But that’s the trick — the more someone needs you to stay in an unspoken, manipulative dynamic…
The less safe that person is.
Healthy people don’t need secret rules.
They speak openly.
They negotiate.
Toxic systems can’t.
Because they were never built on honesty in the first place.
So What Do You Do?
First—you name the rule.
You bring it into the light.
Then—you break it.
Even if it costs you someone’s approval.
You can tear up the contract.
Then expect backlash…
Fear…
Grief…
And then?
Expect freedom.
When You Change, People Leave
Let’s go beyond the guilt-trips and weird vibes for a second.
On multiple occasions in my life, I’ve made a clear decision:
“I’m done playing this tiny role you assigned me.”
And what happened?
People I’d known for years—people I loved, people I thought loved me—
turned on me.
Walked away.
Vanished.
Some ran smear campaigns.
Called me as selfish…
Unstable…
Dangerous…
All because I stopped playing the role that made them comfortable.
Because when you step out of the role you were assigned,
you’re not just breaking an unspoken agreement.
You’re forcing other people to see the system.
And if that system has been working just fine for them?
They will fight to protect it.
Speaking the Truth Makes You a Threat
When you say,
“Hey, this dynamic feels one-sided.”
or“I’m not going to carry 80% of this relationship anymore.”
or“I don’t want to be the one who always stays quiet so you feel okay.”
You become radioactive.
Why?
Because now they have to confront the imbalance.
The manipulation.
The fact that they benefited from your silence.
Unspoken agreements are only sustainable if you stay quiet.
The moment you wake up, the whole thing starts to collapse.
So people panic.
They lash out.
They ghost.
They smear.
But here’s the hard truth:
That reaction is the evidence that you were right to leave.
Because healthy people don’t need you to be small.
They don’t require silence.
Toxic people do.
They need you to keep being a good sheep.
But you don’t have to stay in prison forever.
You have a choice.
You must agree to this dynamic to keep it going.
All you have to do is stop.
And prepare for the backlash.
That’s when you start getting your life back.
Until next time,
Dancer, Writer, Buddhist
1,000 % truth here. The crushing truth, the freeing truth. Thank you for this.