What 3,000 Women Taught Me About Sex
How Did You Make It This Far In Life Without Knowing This?
EDITOR’S NOTE: To get the summary notes of this article, go here.
Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,
2 a.m.
I landed on a fresh r/AskWomen post with a deceptively simple question:
“Ladies, what’s something someone did in bed that made you feel truly seen and not just ‘used’?”1
By sunrise the thread had mushroomed into a living anthology of tenderness. No Kama‑Sutra pretzels.
Just story after story of microscopic gestures that thundered through women’s nervous systems and rewired their idea of love.
Below is the narrative those comments wove—a field‑guide to presence that belongs as much in boardrooms and copy decks as it does beneath cotton sheets.
The very first top‑comment crushes the old “ladies first” cliché by turning it into a non‑negotiable practice:
“He’d always go down on me before sex; in nine months he never once faltered. Afterward he cooked or ordered take‑out.” 2
Generosity sets the table, but what made redditors swoon was the consistency. Reliability is the new lingerie.
During one of those post‑coital take‑out runs, the same quiet lover paused, placed a hand on her stomach and whispered:
“You look incredible.”3
Nine words, one gentle palm. She describes feeling like “precious treasure.” Conversion copywriters call this specificity; neuroscientists call it a dopamine‑anchored memory. Same thing.
Further down, a different woman recounts the hottest sentence she’s ever heard:
“He told me he would stop if I changed my mind at any point… it made me feel so safe.”4
Consent isn’t a bureaucratic formality; it’s the green light that lets people floor the gas without fear of crashing.
Another comment reads like a hygiene manual yet earned hundreds of up‑votes:
“He washed his hands before fingering me. It’s the only guy who’s ever done that.”5
Respect is currently so rare it feels exotic.
The intimacy isn’t limited to genitals. One friend‑with‑benefits remembers fingers kneading calf muscles she overworked on daily bike commutes:
“He’d instinctively go for my feet and calves without me saying a word… it made me feel warm inside.” 6
Attention to mundane discomfort equals high‑ROI emotional yield.
Kissing, once demoted to a thumbnail on the highlight reel, gets restored:
“Make the kissing an act to enjoy in itself instead of just a box to check.”7
And when the action ends?
“A simple forehead kiss always does it for me.” 8
Small, slow, soft—three S‑words porn rarely teaches.
For those who ride the wilder edges:
“When it gets very rough he breaks character for a second and checks if I’m okay.” 9
Intensity without safety is just adrenaline; intensity with safety is trust on rocket fuel.
No gesture appeared more frequently than post‑sex caretaking:
Blanket + Snack – “He pulled the blankets over me, ran a warm shower, shampooed my hair, then fetched orange juice.”
Book + Blanket – “He’d grab my book, my softest throw, some chocolate, and hold me while I read.”10
Retention marketing for the heart.
One first‑date account stops the scroll:
“He paused to admit he probably wouldn’t get hard the first time with a new person—then pleasured me for an hour and didn’t want anything back.”11
Vulnerability plus dedication equals mythic status in a single evening.
These principles travel well outside the bedroom:
Sales Call – Serve value before pitching.
Creative Team – Ask for feedback mid‑project, not post‑mortem.
Customer Success – Follow‑up after the purchase the way lovers offer blankets.
A 60‑Second Implementation Plan
Pre‑Frame – “I read something fascinating about making you feel seen—want to try a micro‑experiment tonight?”
Generous Opening – Focus on them for ten uninterrupted minutes.
Live Feedback – Whisper, “More, less, or different?” at every shift.
After‑Care – Blanket, beverage, specific compliment.
Morning Debrief – “What was 🔥, what was 😬, what do we ✨ next time?”
Why It Works
Neuroscience – Safety lowers cortisol, letting oxytocin and dopamine stack.
Behavioral Econ – Unexpected utility (blankets, snacks) delights because it’s unasked.
Storytelling – You become the character who notices what others miss.
Final Word
The AskWomen thread wasn’t a sex tip list; it was a masterclass in leadership, copywriting, and emotional intelligence disguised as pillow talk.
Presence beats performance. Attention is the rarest luxury. And sometimes all it takes to change someone’s chemistry—bodily or emotional—is a freshly washed hand, a whispered “you look incredible,” and the courage to linger five seconds longer than everyone else.
Everything else is just choreography.
Until next time,
Dancer, Writer, Buddhist.
A lot of lessons to learn. I've picked a few tips, thank you.
Good work