What to do When "They" Always Need to Be Right

What to Do When Someone Will Never Admit They’re Wrong

Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

Did you marry that person?

Uh oh…

You’re in for some trouble.

I used to really underestimate how dedicated my ex-wife was to winning any given fight.

It took hundreds of encounters before I understood that she expected to come out on top and reassert her dominance over me 100% of the time.

Anything less would be viewed as failure and weakness on her part.

Do people like this exist?

Yes. It’s like I’ve been saying lately — some people are batshit crazy out there, but you could never guess that at face value.

No reasonable person feels the need to win every fight.

That’s part of what kept me in gridlock with her for so long…

I kept thinking surely she’ll come around this time…

Surely, I’ll get my day in court, and she will hear me and validate my feelings.

Like… I simply couldn’t fathom that some people were so dedicated to having their way.

Who were so entitled.

This is the kind of person who thinks they’re always right.

They are the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Relationships should be balanced.

But when dealing with someone who always has to have it their way…

There’s no such thing.

One therapist described me as being “completely subjugated.”

Ain’t that some shit.

When you’re dealing with a headstrong person who absolutely refuses to admit they’re wrong ever…

Understand that they may have a much different worldview than you.

It’s very easy to project your values onto other people and believe that your sense of ethics is everyone else’s.

People who never back down don’t take no for an answer.

They will always invalidate your point of view.

They treat you like you don’t matter.

But you do.

That’s the whole problem.

Here’s what you need to understand about these types of people:

My therapist tells me the same thing almost every session:

“Most people are kids in adult bodies.” — My Therapist

He means that quite literally.

It’s one of these spooky phenomenons hiding in plain sight this whole time.

Think about how irrational children can be.

Think about how a child can throw a tantrum as a passive-aggressive way to have their way.

Some people never evolve past the phase when children are completely self-absorbed.

They cannot feel your pain.

They are very low in self-awareness.

They THINK they care about you — but their actions tell a different story.

My father likes to think he loves me.

Yet, most of what I will remember him for are the times when he was being selfish, self-absorbed, hostile, and abusive.

The level of empathy he’s shown me is no different than what I might get from a mugger in a dark alley at 2 am.

Most people never want to admit that the people who “love” them are also their biggest abusers.

One would have to be remarkably lacking in self-awareness to abuse people the way he did and still believe himself to be a loving man.

If you look at your average playground with children playing—understand that there’s a huge percentage of the population who are no more mature and emotionally developed as those children.

It’s very important to have the ability to identify if you are dealing with a person who won’t take no for an answer.

Just think about it…

If you’re trying to be understood but don’t understand, you’re dealing with someone who cannot hear you.

Does not respect you…

Always has to have things go their way…

You take them seriously, second-guess yourself, and start feeling crazy and like you’re the problem.

You could get endlessly lost in this hazy mess.

I certainly was for a long time.

I thought I was dealing with a reasonable person who had trouble understanding my point of view.

If I explained myself enough and bent over backward enough, maybe they would finally listen to me.

This type of person can’t hear you because they DON’T WANT to hear you.

Plain and simple.

Anything you say can get twisted around.

If I’m being perfectly real with you, if I thought my ex-wife was going to fight me so hard when I started to demand a more balanced relationship, I would have walked away quietly.

So much energy is saved when you understand what a wolf in sheep’s clothing looks like.

People who do not respect you don’t deserve to be taken seriously.

Falling for that trap only keeps you stuck.

It’s like the old saying:

Never wrestle with a pig — you’ll only get dirty and the pig will like it.

Once you understand when you’re talking to a wall and all attempts to be heard get met with resistance… you quite naturally stop trying to get them to hear you.

Frankly, I don’t allow people who treat me this way in my life.

It doesn’t matter who I’m related to or how long they know me.

You don’t need them to validate your thoughts and feelings.

Your opinion is as valid as anyone else’s.

One of my biggest sticking points was getting lost trying to get the other person to hear me.

If people don’t want to take you seriously, that’s okay. They don’t have to, as long as you disagree with them.

The critical factor is that YOU must take yourself seriously.

This is the critical missing piece.

I had my mind blown one day while my marriage was falling apart, and I was trying to explain to my aunt that my ex refused to listen to me.

And don’t you know…

She pointed out something that blew me away.

She said, “But you’ve been saying the same thing since you were a child.”

Suddenly a flood of memories came rushing back of me trying to get my various siblings to listen and them refusing to do so.

On a spiritual level, I had been repeating the same pattern.

There was a part of me…

And ancient part of me…

That desperately wanted to feel heard and seen.

I kept trying to get the other person to listen.

I was recreating an old and familiar pattern.

I couldn’t believe I’d been making this same mistake since childhood, and I never noticed.

Every time I level up, I see it clearly.

I see the same broken patterns I’ve been repeating my whole life—without ever noticing.

So very sad.

You don’t need them to hear you.

Sometimes, the right way to respond becomes evident once you heal the part of you crying out for love and validation.

If they won’t hear you, you’re better off accepting that reality than beating your head against a brick wall and hoping they will change.

You can’t change people.

These types of people are aggressive. Hostile. War hardened.

To them, winning takes a whole different level of meaning and significance.

Not only can you not change people, but consider that someone like this has been this way their whole life. They’ve been practicing this template for decades.

Very few people have the self-awareness and tenacity to confront old habits like that. Most people hate change in precisely the same way most people hate exercise. It takes effort, you feel vulnerable, and you’re out of your comfort zone — Netflix and chill sound like the much better option.

Some people would rather die than change.

When I first discovered this, it blew me away.

Because it’s so alien to my nature.

I’m willing to do whatever it takes to heal and grow.

But that’s not everybody.

That’s not even most people.

But you can and MUST change yourself.

If someone won’t hear you, that’s not your problem—it’s theirs.

And the sooner you stop trying to wrestle the pig, the sooner you walk away clean.

Until next time,

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist