Do You Feel Guilty?

A young woman in a codependency Facebook group asked how to deal with being guilt-tripped or feeling guilty for wanting what she wants.

I said, “Sounds like you’re loyal to disloyal people.”

That struck a nerve.

She’s calling me for relationship advice.

Damn.

I’ve stayed in relationships I didn’t want to be in—not because I was in love, not because I was happy—but because I felt too guilty to leave.

What’s up with that?

Why do I feel so guilty so often?

Good question.

Ever consider the fact that other people don’t have this problem?

An overactive conscience can ruin your life. It can be weaponized against you.

One of the biggest spell breakers in my marriage was realizing my ex’s manipulations were just that—manipulations. She wasn’t truly sad. She wasn’t really offended. She was just underhanded. Conniving. A trickster.

She guilt-tripped me every day.

Nonstop.

I hated it. I yearned for it to stop.

I hated being coerced into doing things I didn’t want to do.

But I was blind to what was happening.

I believed I had no choice.

I believed her feelings mattered more than mine.

That her reality overruled mine.

And that’s the trap.

People aren’t entitled to treat you like a puppet.

I started to call her out. But every moment with her felt like an uphill battle.

At this stage of my life?

I have zero patience for that.

I’m clear on what I deserve.

But back then, I wasn’t.

And when you’re in that place—where guilt rules you—it’s important to start standing up for yourself, if only to strengthen your assertiveness muscles and get more transparent about what you will and won’t tolerate.

Here’s the new rule:

If someone is treating me in a way I don’t like—I’m out.

No ifs. No ands. No buts.

I don’t care about their excuses. Their justifications. Their sad stories.

I’m done.

And that’s a privilege, right? No kids. No broken hearts to worry about.

But it’s also just clarity.

Because here’s the truth:

If someone refuses to stop mistreating you, and you keep engaging…

You’re enabling it.

I had to learn that the hard way.

If someone wants to fight me to the death over nonsense?

Be my guest.

I won’t be there.

Let me know how it goes.

I’ve dealt with phenomenally stubborn and ruthless people.

People who thought they could steamroll me forever.

But you know what?

It purified my sense of deserving.

I know I deserve better.

I had a salsa teacher once who loved to tear me down. I spent a long time trying to get her to stop.

Then one day, I woke up.

I realized she felt entitled to treat me like dirt.

That was just who she was.

And if I kept her in my life, I’d keep getting treated that way.

I see things clearly now.

But back then?

I was vulnerable.

I knew I could be guilt-tripped into doing absolutely anything.

And that made me a target.

But the moment you see the guilt trip for what it is… when you catch someone in the act of tearing you down just to get their way?

It hits different.

Because that’s not how you treat people.

So why should you accept it?

When we’re enmeshed with manipulators, we feel stuck.

And when they are relentless, we start to believe we must take whatever they dish out.

I don’t give manipulators one inch of my consciousness anymore.

No eye contact. No engagement. No reaction.

They want to go to war?

Good luck.

I won’t be there.

If they try to terrorize me with my own emotions, fuck them.

They can kiss my whole ass.

Because here’s what stuns me when I look back…

I used to think I deserved that treatment.

You get what you tolerate.

And you tolerate what you believe you deserve.

That’s the black magic of guilt.

It works on multiple levels simultaneously.

And before you know it, you’re a rabbit in a snare.

Ask yourself:

How come people treat you in ways you would never treat them?

When you feel so much guilt…

Why?

Funny thing…

Since I shifted into my Mike Tyson mentality, I rarely feel guilty.

Maybe you feel guilty because you’re wounded.

Maybe you need to tend to that wound before it gets infected.

You’re not supposed to be so guilt-ridden that it overwhelms you.

That’s not normal.

That’s not healthy.

That’s conditioning.

Someone put that guilt in you.

Why?

A logical understanding of your guilt gives you an escape hatch.

A workaround.

You can put the raw emotion aside and trust the information in your head.

My final rule:

I do not accept guilt-trippers or manipulators in my life.

I rarely feel guilt.

Not because I don’t care.

But because I generally treat people with respect.

And if I actually screw up, I’ll take responsibility.

But your overactive guilt response?

It makes you a target.

So protect yourself.

If not for you, do it for your inner child.

Because every time you say yes when you meant no…

You abandon that child.

And trust me—they’re keeping score.

And one day, when you're finally free, you'll look back and wonder why you ever felt guilty at all

Some truths are buried deep.
Others are so close, you go years without noticing.
At Self-Love University, we don’t chase healing.
We slow down enough to notice what’s already here.
The guilt you carry.
The patterns you repeat.
The yes that should’ve been a no.
This is where you learn to stop abandoning yourself.

Until next time,

Anton

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist.