Why You Keep Attracting The 'Wrong' Person In Relationships
A Permission to be Powerful Premium Post
Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,
“Why Do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People?”
The Truth About Your Attraction System — and How to Finally Change It
Do you ever find yourself wondering:
“Why does the universe keep sending me the worst people?”
“Why do I keep attracting toxic partners or friends?”
“Are there even any good guys or girls out there?”
You’re not alone.
In fact, if you’ve asked this more than once — you’re very much not alone.
So let’s talk about what’s really going on.
🧭 You Have a Perfect Attraction System
It may not feel like it — especially if you’ve had a streak of painful, one-sided, or chaotic relationships.
But here’s the truth:
Your attraction system isn’t broken. It’s actually perfect.
It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do.
Only… not at the level of your adult mind.
It’s operating from the emotional blueprint created in your earliest years — the part of you that psychologists call the Inner Child.
👧 You Are Two: An Adult and a Child
Every adult walking around today is made up of two main emotional parts:
The Inner Child – formed between birth and around age 12.
This part absorbed messages, experiences, patterns, and pain. It’s sensitive, reactive, and holds unmet emotional needs.
The Adult Self – rational, responsible, logical.
This part comes online later — but doesn’t erase the child. It simply overlays it.
So when you enter relationships, it’s not just your adult self choosing.
It’s your Inner Child scanning for familiar patterns — even the painful ones.
Because to the nervous system, familiar = safe.
Even if it hurts.
🔁 Why You Keep Attracting the Same Type
When your emotional wounds go unhealed, they recruit people to help you re-feel those feelings.
Yes, re-feel.
That awful boyfriend, that critical boss, that distant friend?
They all tap into the same core wound.
“I’m not enough.”
“I’m too much.”
“I have to earn love.”
“If I speak up, I’ll be abandoned.”
Your nervous system — not your logic — is what’s attracting these people.
Because your attraction system isn’t broken… it’s trying to help you finally face what’s inside you.
💌 The Universe Isn’t Mocking You. It’s Mirroring You.
Think of each difficult relationship as a package being delivered by Amazon.
Except the package isn’t from them — it’s from you.
Inside the box?
A bundle of unresolved feelings your Inner Child has been carrying for years.
And until you open the door, sign for the package, and look inside…
The deliveries will keep coming.
🧠 Try This Right Now:
Think about your most recent difficult relationship.
A fight, a betrayal, a recurring pattern.
Pause.
And instead of asking, “Why did they do that?” — ask:
“What was I feeling in that moment?”
Don’t rush. Use a feelings chart if you need help finding the words.
Name 5–8 emotions you felt in that moment.
Now ask:
“When else in my life have I felt these feelings?”
Boom. The light goes on.
Suddenly, that fight with your ex isn’t just about them.
It’s a doorway back into something deeper inside of you.
🛠 This Is the Work
The work isn’t to blame yourself.
The work is to reclaim your power.
Because the moment you stop avoiding your feelings… and start listening to them?
You shift everything.
You start healing the Inner Child part that’s been quietly running the show.
You become less triggered — more grounded — in future relationships.
And that perfect attraction system? It updates. It stops bringing in chaos and starts attracting calm, connection, and truth.
💬 Final Thought
You don’t attract the wrong people because you’re broken.
You attract them because your nervous system is trying to heal through reenactment.
But healing doesn’t happen by repeating. It happens by feeling.
And when you start to feel — really feel — what’s been there all along?
You start attracting something (and someone) completely different.
You start attracting from the adult part of you — not the wounded child.
And that changes everything.
🔒 Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re done repeating the same painful patterns in relationships…
If you’re ready to face what’s underneath and finally come home to yourself…
Inside Permission to Be Powerful: VIP, we help you do just that:
🧬 The Trigger Method Workbook – My go-to system for decoding emotional patterns and reconnecting with your Inner Child
🧘 The Daily Practice – Emotional regulation rituals that help you stay present, grounded, and whole — even in tough moments
🧠 The ADHD X Factor – Rewire the patterns that make you overgive, overthink, and attract chaos
🔥 HELL & PARADISE (Anton’s memoir) – Raw healing insights on heartbreak, power, and rewriting your story
🎯 Plus: Relationship scripts, emotional repair tools, guided journaling prompts, and more.
👉 Start your free 30-day VIP trial here
You are not broken.
You’ve just never been taught how this works.
Now you know.
—Zalman, LCSW
Test-ride Your Permission to be Powerful VIP Membership FREE for 30 Days.
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