Stop Chasing People Who Can't See You -- They Don't Deserve You

I’m taking a step back—from everything.

I used to obsess over adding more friends on Facebook, collecting likes and comments like they meant something. Not anymore. I purged 90% of my “friends” and stopped adding new people altogether.

Now, I’m waiting.

I’m standing completely still to see who notices.

Who reaches out?

Who thinks about me?

Who shows up when I stop chasing?

This little experiment has been eye-opening. I finally see who values me—and who never really did.

Take my former dance crew, for example.

I was part of this group for almost two years. We met every Tuesday night, and I showed up weekly, hoping to feel like I belonged.

But no matter how hard I tried or how much I gave, they kept me on the outside.

At first, I thought if I just showed up more, smiled more, tried harder… they’d finally accept me. But it didn’t matter.

Some people were hell-bent on keeping me out, no matter what I did.

And when I finally saw it for what it was—when I stopped making excuses for their aloofness and outright disrespect—I was free.

I left.

And guess what?

The second I cut ties with that group, I felt restored.

I joined a new dance class, and almost instantly, I was surrounded by people who liked me.

It was night and day.

I’d wasted two years chasing people who would never see me—and I’ll never make that mistake again.

We Feed What Rejects Us

Here’s the wild thing about the human brain:

When someone rejects us, we pay more attention to them.

We obsess. We analyze. We try to crack the code—why don’t they like me? What did I do wrong?

Meanwhile, the people who value us genuinely want to be in our lives get ignored.

It’s sick.

I spent years trying to win over people who didn’t respect me while neglecting those who did.

I felt like a chauffeur all over again—driving everyone else around, ensuring they were happy while ignoring my needs.

And it wasn’t an accident.

We recreate the dynamics we grew up with.

If you grew up around people who made you feel invisible—who invalidated you, ignored you, or tore you down—you’ll seek out those same dynamics as an adult.

Because it’s familiar.

Because it feels like home.

Even if it’s killing you.

Captain Save-a-Hoe

I spent years trapped in what I call one-sided relationships—where I gave and gave and gave and got almost nothing back.

I was Captain Save-a-Hoe.

I want to find someone with problems, roll up my sleeves, and go to work fixing their life while completely ignoring my own.

It was compulsive—a coping strategy I picked up as a kid. And it took years to see what it was.

I’d pour myself into people—emotionally, financially, spiritually—and end up exhausted, resentful, and empty.

But here’s the kicker: all that giving never got me what I wanted.

I wasn’t getting love. I wasn’t getting loyalty.

I was just getting used to it.

Breaking the Cycle

Not too long ago, I caught myself doing it again.

I started another one-sided dynamic with a girl I liked, and before I knew it, I’d made a fool of myself.

It hit me like a freight train.

I’d been training people to take advantage of me.

And the fix? Stupid simple: start having expectations.

The moment I stopped giving away my time, energy, and attention for free… the moochers disappeared.

When I started expecting reciprocity—demanding it, even—it was like spraying Raid on a nest of roaches.

Some left quietly.

Some were offended.

But all of them were gone.

And I finally had space for people who deserved me.

Until next time,

Anton

Dancer, Writer, Buddhist

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