Neglect isn’t always a big, obvious thing. Sometimes, it’s the little things—those habits you fall into, those parts of your life you ignore because you’re too busy, tired, or overwhelmed to face them.
For years, I let things go unaddressed, and they became so normal to me that I didn’t even realize I was neglecting my well-being.
Vertigo, for example, became just another part of my routine. Every time I stood up, the world would spin, and my balance would falter. It wasn’t a dramatic fall—most of the time. It would happen quietly, maybe in a crowded room or meeting. I’d stumble slightly, trying to steady myself, hoping no one noticed.
It wasn’t very comfortable, but I didn’t go to a doctor for help. I lived with it. It took me years to realize that this was something fixable that didn’t have to be a part of my daily life.
The cause was an old ear injury; all I had to do was ask for help. The fix? Simple and free. I finally sought treatment, and the vertigo was gone, but it took far too long for me to take action.
Then There Were my Flat Feet
For decades, I dealt with shin splints, knee pain, and plantar fasciitis.
I struggled to run or dance, two things I loved, because my body wouldn’t cooperate. But I didn’t take the steps to solve the problem. Instead, I pushed through it, accepting the pain and discomfort as part of life.
It wasn’t until I finally took myself to a podiatrist that I realized the solution was simple—a pair of custom orthotics—and just like that, the pain vanished. My feet, which I’d neglected for so long, were fixed, and I could run again. I could dance again without that nagging pain. All it took was a little self-care and the willingness to ask for help.
Hyperhidrosis was another condition I lived with, and it wasn’t very comfortable. I would sweat profusely, even in an air-conditioned room. Wearing a suit was a nightmare. The sweat stains under my arms would form long, dark streaks, and I couldn’t hide them. People noticed, and I felt ashamed.
For the longest time, I did nothing about it. I just lived with it. I avoided certain situations, turned down opportunities, and felt utterly self-conscious. But when I finally took action and got a skin laser treatment, the problem was solved.
The sweat glands under my arms were destroyed, and the issue was gone just like that. It wasn’t a perfect fix but a huge step forward. The self-care I’d neglected for years was the answer to a problem I’d been avoiding.
I had also avoided a routine blood test for the longest time.
My Doctor Wanted my Bloodwork, But I Kept Putting it Off
It was another reminder of how much I had neglected my health.
Neglect is often easier than taking the necessary steps to care for yourself. It’s something we all do to some degree, whether we’re too busy, too distracted, or just too comfortable in our discomfort. But it’s also a signal. Neglect is a sign that we’re not giving ourselves the care we deserve. And when we don’t give ourselves that care, it’s a sign we don’t fully love or appreciate ourselves.
I know some people rationalize neglect. They tell themselves that self-care—things like getting a massage or spending time at the spa—is an unjustifiable luxury. It’s a waste of money. A self-indulgence.
But that’s precisely the problem. We convince ourselves that we don’t deserve to feel good and shouldn’t prioritize our well-being. This mindset is toxic. Because here’s the truth: if you can’t take care of yourself, you won’t have the energy or strength to care for anything or anyone else.
Self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. It’s not about being pampered; it’s about giving yourself the attention and respect you deserve so that you can show up as your best self in every other area of your life.
This theme of neglect is tied closely to something I struggled with as a child: feeling unwanted and like a burden to those around me. I don’t think it was ever overt, but I could feel it. I could sense that I was never quite the person people wanted around. I wasn’t the golden child or the easy one. I often felt like I was an afterthought. That somehow, my needs were less important than others. It’s hard to explain, but I think many of us who feel like a burden to others take that feeling inwardly. We internalize it. We begin to believe that our needs don’t matter and don’t deserve care or attention.
That Mindset Carried into Adulthood
For years, I couldn’t bring myself to put my needs first. I’d go without because I didn’t think I deserved the same care I would give to others. I avoided going to the doctor. I ignored health issues. And when it came to my own emotional and mental health, I ignored those, too. I’d tell myself that others were more important and that my needs were less valid. This wasn’t just neglect—it was a deep-seated belief that I didn’t deserve to be well or be cared for.
Self-care became a foreign concept to me. For years, I believed caring for myself was indulgent, even selfish. But when I started to break that cycle, when I began to ask for help and prioritize myself, everything changed. It wasn’t about being selfish. It was about recognizing that my well-being mattered. It was about breaking free from the belief that I was a burden and acknowledging that I deserved to be taken care of.
I’ll be honest—I still struggle with self-care. I look in the mirror and see every imperfection, every flaw. I pick at my skin, pluck the greys, twist and contort my face to scrutinize every inch. It’s something I do more than I’d like to admit. And that’s a sign, too. It’s a sign that I’m still working on self-acceptance. It’s a signal that, despite my progress in other areas of my life, I still have healing to do. Proper self-care goes beyond fixing your external problems; it’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you would show a loved one.
There’s an underlying truth here, one I still grapple with: Neglect is often a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When we don’t care for our bodies or allow issues to go unchecked, we tell ourselves that we don’t matter enough to take action. But when we start to address those things—when we finally take the time to go to the doctor, make that appointment, or choose to care for ourselves-we’re making a statement: We matter.
It’s not easy. It’s not always comfortable. But self-care is one of the most potent forms of self-love.
It’s about saying, “I’m worth the effort.”
It’s about putting your needs first, even when the world tells you to ignore them. And yes, it’s about healing but also about accepting that you deserve to feel whole—in mind, body, and soul.
I’m still learning. I’m still working on it. But I’ve realized that self-care is a journey. It’s not about perfecting every aspect of yourself. It’s about learning to care for yourself in ways that bring peace and acceptance without judgment or shame. And that’s the most important lesson of all.
Until next time,
Anton
Dancer, Writer, Buddhist
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